Sue: the sexual Yoda
By Laura Katsirdakis
A.K.A. CURIOUS GEORGE. The Sunday Night Sex Show star
talks sex, sex and more sex at The Wave yesterday.
The Wave was packed yesterday with people waiting to see a
little old lady talk about sex. There were people sitting on
the floor, on window sills and on the bar. Yet not a single
one would admit to The Gazette they had come to listen
to a woman talk in elaborate detail about sex.
"It's a beautiful thing learning about sex," said Sue Johanson, Canada's most famous sex therapist. Johanson has received the Order of Canada for her efforts to educate people about sex. She has been working for 40 years, on radio and television programs, talking frankly about "the one thing they didn't teach you about."
She has recently broken into the American market with a show on Oxygen television.
Before the talk began, free condoms were distributed to the crowd. They showered down like a latex rainfall from the second floor to the crowd below.
"I can't believe the amount of girls who are waving their arms in the air for free condoms," said Josh Clark of the entertainment department of the University Students' Council. Clark confirmed yesterday's crowd put The Wave at capacity.
When Johanson climbed to the stage she was greeted by cheers and "I love yous." She is a tiny woman, who has an eerie resemblance to Yoda. Like every one's favorite Jedi master, she is small, wrinkley and possesses an aura of wisdom.
She is passionate about educating people about sex. She recalled Grade 9 sex education classes, which usually display diagrams of the female reproductive system which she described as "looking like a moose coming through the bushes." She asked why no sex education classes displayed diagrams of female genitalia or informed students about birth control clinics. "They give you little bits of information, just enough to scare you," she added.
In her own signature style, Johanson gave the crowd the information they wanted to dispel the myths surrounding sex. She described both the male and female orgasm and assured the males in the audience: "don't ask her if she came, if she did you'll have the bruises to show for it."
She encouraged masturbation, assuring the crowd it would not result in them going blind or bald, getting more acne, getting stupider, reducing their sperm count or revealing some underlying homosexuality. Johanson is not shy about the topic; she acted out male masturbation with rapid fire motions.
She also described in great detail the many ways of pleasing a female. Her statement, "the clitoris is the organ of female arousal and satisfaction," drew a round of applause. Another method of pleasing your female partner? "Lunch at the Y," she said, without a hint of embarrassment.
"Boys have been taught that they need to have a huge schlong an erection so rigid you could strike a match on it," Johanson said, but added all that is really needed are "the fingers and a tongue."
Some more pearls of wisdom:
"The orgasm is grossly overrated."
"Most females don't even know they have [a clitoris]."
"It's an amazing organ." (said of the clitoris and the vagina)
"99 per cent of males masturbate regularly and the other one per cent are liars."
"A male caller once claimed he masturbated 22 times a day."
"If we both hit [sexual peak] at the same time, we'd kill ourselves you'd never go to class." (on the different timing of male and female sexual peaks)
"The clitoris has twice the amount of nerve endings than the penis and we all know how sensitive that is." (she demonstrates this point by using her microphone as a phallic symbol, of sorts)
Another thing she is not shy about is sex toys. She critiqued her collection of vibrators, holding them up to the microphone to let the crowd hear their vibration speeds. "When I go to the airport it's always a scene," she said, explaining how security personnel react to her bag of (sex) toys. "They insist that I turn on each and every toy."
To ask Sue about sex, visit
her Web site at www.talksexwithsue.com or call into her show Sunday nights at 11 p.m. on the W network.