Nude dude getting rude, flashing pubes
By Chris Sinal
Unlike many other long-standing Western traditions being celebrated
this month, the return of lonely men jumping from the woods
and frantically waving their genitals at unsuspecting passers-by
has yet to yield any celebratory parades or well-to-do soirees.
Four incidents of public indecency have been reported, said
Sgt. Michael Micks, acting manager of the Campus Community
Three of the incidents occurred near wooded areas on campus
where a man wearing only a blue or purple mask and sneakers
emerged from the woods when a female pedestrian passed by. "People
need to be aware of their surroundings and look far enough
ahead to see if there is anything unusual," he said.
According to Micks, if one encounters a na'er-do-well of the
nude kind, one should immediately call campus police from a
blue emergency phone or free from any pay phone on campus.
Callers should try to remember the largest descriptors possible,
including information such as the individual's race, gender
and clothing (or absence thereof).
"The assistance of the community, with timely information
containing as much detail as possible, will help us catch the
individual responsible," Micks said.
"Students should not be too alarmed, but need to take responsibility
for being aware of what's going on around them," said Adrienne
Kennedy, VP-campus issues for the University Students' Council.
Kennedy encouraged students to use Foot Patrol, walk in pairs
and report incidents as quickly as possible.
"My theory is that some people like to be naked more than
other people - they're the ones that always whipped off their
diapers as a kid," said first-year health sciences student
"No, wait. Actually, I think he's the guy that didn't whip
off his diaper and now he's trying to make up for it," first-year
science student Jeremy Lundy.