September 5, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 5  

Front Page >> Editorial & Opinions > Forget Arnold: vote Polishuk
 

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EDITORIAL & OPINIONS

Forget Arnold: vote Polishuk

What the Shuk?
By: Mark Polishuk

Opinions Editor

Some might say the upcoming California gubernatorial recall vote has become a farce, with candidates ranging from Hollywood action heroes to porn stars to (worst of all) actual politicians.

Frankly, I don't think it's become quite enough of a farce for my liking. With that in mind, I'd like to officially announce my candidacy for governor of California.

I think I have a pretty good chance, given the silliness of the recall process. Fourty nine per cent of Californians could vote that incumbent governor Gray Davis shouldn't be recalled and yet he'd still lose to whomever gains a simple majority amongst the challenging candidates. With these rules, I'd be crazy NOT to run.

There may be some kind of a rule prohibiting a Canadian who doesn't live in and has never been to the state, from running for governor, but those are the kind of arcane laws I'll look to abolish once elected. I feel people living outside of a state - or a country - can bring some unbiased perspective. After all, George Bush is trying to run Iraq from his ranch in Texas and he's... um... OK, bad example.

Compared to the other candidates, I measure up pretty well. Gray Davis might've been elected by the people of California, but can you really trust a man named after a colour? Would you elect someone named Beige Jackson?

The most high-profile candidates are celebrities such as Arnold "It's Not a Tumour" Schwarzenegger, Gary "Whatchoo Talkin' About, Willis?" Coleman and Larry "Woody Harrelson" Flynt. I can't quite yet match any of these guys in terms of fame, but at least I match them in terms of a memorable campaign image.

After consulting several image consultants who told me what letter my last name began with, my official campaign logo will be the P-Wing, which you might recall as the warp zone enabler in Super Mario III. My campaign slogan will be "Vote for the P-Wing: He can take California to the next level."

As opposed to the likes of Coleman or Flynt, I actually have some political experience. I was Grade 12 representative on my high school students' council and as you can imagine, such a distinguished position carried huge responsibilities. For example, I often sold Spritz-Up and PC Cola at dances. Top that, Schwarzenegger!

So, for any Californians who might be reading this, cast a vote for the ol' P-Wing. If you were running, he'd vote for you.

 

 

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