April 1, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 96  

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Celeb Kissing Booth
Stick it on a wall, pucker up, and go!

How can you NOT love Britney Spears? Wealthy girls want to be her, Wealthy guys want to do her, and non-Wealthys... well, who cares about them? Anyway, we chose to pay tribute to the reigning pop princess this week for a few reasons. No. 1: she has more money than the entire Canadian government, and she keeps it all to herself — yay materialism! No. 2: umm, her songs are... well, they certainly are songs. No. 3: lets see... well, her first name starts with a B, and so does Bob Dylan’s. No. 4: hmm... er... she dated Justin Timb — wait, nevermind...

As for those of you afraid to catch an STD by kissing Miss Brit, remember: it’s just a picture, viruses don’t transfer through newsprint! Now close your eyes, pucker up and get ready to meet Miss Herpes. Er, SPEARS that is.



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