Campus booze gone,
The University of Wealthy Ontarions is officially alcohol-free
following the passing of Proposition 33, part of an ongoing
effort to eradicate the campus of the scandalous family-destroying
over new graduate rings
You might want to stay out of buildings for a while, as engineers
have had their attention diverted by a perceived threat at
the hands of University of Wealthy Ontarions’ faculties.
Jesus back, two virgins
The Second Coming has finally arrived. Jesus Christ, the Man,
the Sensation, the Son of God is back on Earth and ready to
heal, preach and hopefully turn some water into wine on the
lovely campus of the University of Wealthy Ontarions.
Earth, pens, cure
for hunger all discovered
Between essay-induced stress attacks and trying to cram in
those last nights of carefree debauchery before finals, its
no surprise that keeping up with those pesky current events
can be tricky. But fear not! “News for Wealthy Retards” is
here with a little alternative education.
sexy new revenue source
London city council recently announced it will be providing
residents with a tax decrease for the first time in recorded
Big purple mat causes
ruckus, swallows guy
In a bizarre incident yesterday, the widely despised “Big
Purple Welcome Mat,” credited with shattering the aesthetic
appeal of the newly constructed Concrete Slab, devoured second-year
engineering student Winny Moulandeep.
Dear girls, love
What ever happened to blow jobs? You know, when you went down
on us and provided an incredible, incomparable sensation?
City, campus police
forever after crime disappears
Unusual Suspects went out looking for the latest in crime
reporting this week, calling the London Flatfoots and the campus
to be hunted; watch out Porky
> Dubya goes to Wealthy, doesn't
> Eugenic clones become sophs...then stick it to frosh
> Students' innards buy food