April 1, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 96  

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Dear girls, love boys

By Lollipop Masturbatey and Natalie D’Surf
Gazelle Staff

Dear Girls,

What ever happened to blow jobs? You know, when you went down on us and provided an incredible, incomparable sensation?

Don’t get us wrong: the sex is fantastic, but ever since we started going at it you’ve completely abandoned the oral form. We just wanted to inform you that a blow job is not the same as sexual intercourse; both are highly stimulating experiences, but of slightly differing genres. You see, your vagina doesn’t have a tongue. Really, you’re vagina doesn’t do anything. Whereas your mouth provides a warmer, wetter and more sensitive feeling.

We have certain needs that should be met, and when you don’t come through, honey, we’re left unsatisfied. We know we can’t ask you for a blow job, but trust us, we always want one. And if you’re worried that nice girls don’t do that, just know that it’s not true what they say: we will marry a girl who swallows.

We like it when you rest your head on our lap, but we would love it if you took things a step further. If you do take the hint, keep in mind that although it’s called a blow job, don’t just blow — I want you to heat us up, not cool us down. Oh, and please don’t eat bananas or suck on Popsicles in front of us unless we know you’re practicing for later.

We feel as though we spend a lot more time in your nether regions than you do in ours; maybe because we are always ready for sex, and you need a warm-up. Don’t assume a blow job can’t be pleasurable for you — you get the pleasure of making us happy. Plus, if it’s really good, just give us time to recover, and I’ll return the favour. Also, if we pull your hair, it isn’t degrading; it means we really enjoy your work.

And finally, quit asking how we feel about you. You don’t need to ask me; just see how quickly you make us cum.




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