the news team for being themselves
By Marshall Bellamy, Dan
Perry and Anton Vidgen
It’s been a year of ups and downs, highs and lows, love
and hate, old shoes and new shoes. Three Gazette News Editors
decided to sit down and relate what they felt molded this past
Marshall: If there was one thing that moulded this year, I
would have to say it was the whole purple awning fiasco. I’ve
never heard the University Students’ Council spend so
much time debating over absolutely nothing. If given a chance,
they would debate about the meaning of life, and then agree
it starts and ends with the USC.
Dan: Doesn’t it? Sorry, as of last week, I get paid
to say that. Seriously, though, the most defining moment of
this year was the creation of the new film department, and
the assumption that our coverage influenced the decision. I
mean, how often does student journalism actually bring about
Anton: So boooring, this purple awning and film biznatch.
For me, there’s one thing that 2003/04 can be remembered
for: Cow Plop Bingo, or the lack thereof. The renovation of
Concrete Beach warranted a flashy inaugural event, but of course
the university brass had to step on the idea of students betting
on where a cow poops, no pun intended. How typical of musty
Marshall: There are so many things that should have happened,
like a twilight drinking raid by the Pirates of the Thames,
or maybe some boar-hunting expeditions on campus — or
even the construction of a golden statue idolizing Western
President Paul Davenport. The only problem was everyone else
was too busy eating yellow snow to do anything overly interesting
Dan: It’s been a terrible year for news — no naked
Anton: Yeah, we pray to Him for good news coverage.
Marshall: I just wasn’t seen by anyone this year.
Dan: Although, we did do a story on a 900 person orgy in China — that’s
almost as sketchy.
Anton: The orgy thing sounded like lots o’ fun, almost
as ludicrous as the rising insurance premiums that forced institutions
to itemize cost reductions and institute stricter approval
protocols necessary to facilitate the perseverance of licensed
Marshall: Maybe if the insurance companies give us any more
problems we should strap them to a bunch of super-rockets and
shoot them into outer space, not unlike a certain geographic
region that really pisses me off.
Dan: At least your “racist” viewpoint gets you
letters — I called the new BA program crap, democracy
fascism and whined about not being able to vote. For the first
time in my life, I wanted hate-mail.
Anton: Pish-posh! Your serf-like, common-place, Dickensian-proletarian
approach to attracting incendiary responses is reprehensible.
My “fair and balanced” ethical system has won me
much acclaim, especially of my coverage of The Spoke renovation.
God: You’re all going to hell.