February 4, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 69  

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Celebrity Dartboard
Stick it on a wall, aim and throw!

Dear Larissa
(from Average Joe 2: Hawaii),
I am 6’2” and 150 pounds soaking wet. I enjoy playing video games, engaging in intelligent debate and consider myself a dancin’ machine. I am desperately seeking my soulmate and believe you may be it.

Sincerely,
Potential Soulmate

Dear Potential Soulmate,
I’m sorry, but if you don’t earn over $100,000, don’t have a bulging six pack and don’t have a face that looks like it just jumped off the pages of GQ, then don’t be wasting my primping time by sending me blowjob letters.

If you didn’t notice when the hunks jumped off the boat, I am a superficial bitch, who mocks little runts like you. Turn the channel to Showcase, because lets be honest, that’s all the action you’ll be getting. Soulmate my ass...

Fuck Off,
Love, Larissa

 

 

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