Janet’s plastic melon... ugh
Candidates, candidates, candidates: This year’s University
Students’ Council elections will feature almost 200 people
running for positions. Not since the “Car salesmen, Ambulance
Chasers and Otherwise Untrustworthy People Convention” have
so many greasy, slimy sneaks been found in the same place together.
Day of Davenport: Between racing his gold beamer and doing
otherwise French knightly activities, Paul Davenport actually
let us follow him around. To answer your first question, no
he doesn’t. To answer your second question, only on Thursdays.
Spoke fries: Why do those Spoke gods continue to tease in such
a way? We have a plan: to solve this predicament why don’t
we just chain a group of French sous chefs in The Spoke kitchen
and have them labour away in the name of our lust for french
(or freedom, whatever your preference) fried goodness.
Hamilton gets Vanier Cup: That’s right, the ugliest
city, just after the booming metropolis of Sodom, has gotten
the Vanier Cup (CIS football championship) game instead of
London. Little do they know, once the trophy inhales the toxic
fumes of Steel Town then we’ll have a man-eating Vanier
Cup mutant monster on our hands.
Yeoman T-Shirt people: What they hell are you doing? That
election is over; he won, your not doing anyone a favour. Stop
wearing those damn T-shirts or curl up in a hole and die slowly.
Timmy’s raises prices 5¢: As if Tim Hortons has
nothing better to do than pick our pockets while we fulfill
our caffeine-crazed urges to buy coffee and oh-so-gooey jelly
filled doughnuts. Why can’t he stop haunting us from
beyond the grave?
Janet’s boob: When you catch a glimpse of a nipple it’s
hard to focus on a game that was as good as the Super Bowl.
But then there’s the hood ornament that was adorning
her teet; someone’s lucky they didn’t lose their
eye... or sight.
Messy politicos: Wednesday night the USC held a presidential
forum in the atrium. As if having a snarl of student politicos
yelling, screaming, name-calling and eye-gauging in the middle
of the atrium wasn’t enough, they left all their garbage
strewn all over the floor. Leaving many to wonder, what kind
of a job are they really doing?