February 6, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 71  

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EDITORIAL

Janet’s plastic melon... ugh

GOOD
Candidates, candidates, candidates: This year’s University Students’ Council elections will feature almost 200 people running for positions. Not since the “Car salesmen, Ambulance Chasers and Otherwise Untrustworthy People Convention” have so many greasy, slimy sneaks been found in the same place together.

Day of Davenport: Between racing his gold beamer and doing otherwise French knightly activities, Paul Davenport actually let us follow him around. To answer your first question, no he doesn’t. To answer your second question, only on Thursdays.

BAD
Spoke fries: Why do those Spoke gods continue to tease in such a way? We have a plan: to solve this predicament why don’t we just chain a group of French sous chefs in The Spoke kitchen and have them labour away in the name of our lust for french (or freedom, whatever your preference) fried goodness.

Hamilton gets Vanier Cup: That’s right, the ugliest city, just after the booming metropolis of Sodom, has gotten the Vanier Cup (CIS football championship) game instead of London. Little do they know, once the trophy inhales the toxic fumes of Steel Town then we’ll have a man-eating Vanier Cup mutant monster on our hands.

Yeoman T-Shirt people: What they hell are you doing? That election is over; he won, your not doing anyone a favour. Stop wearing those damn T-shirts or curl up in a hole and die slowly.

UGLY
Timmy’s raises prices 5¢: As if Tim Hortons has nothing better to do than pick our pockets while we fulfill our caffeine-crazed urges to buy coffee and oh-so-gooey jelly filled doughnuts. Why can’t he stop haunting us from beyond the grave?

Janet’s boob: When you catch a glimpse of a nipple it’s hard to focus on a game that was as good as the Super Bowl. But then there’s the hood ornament that was adorning her teet; someone’s lucky they didn’t lose their eye... or sight.

Messy politicos: Wednesday night the USC held a presidential forum in the atrium. As if having a snarl of student politicos yelling, screaming, name-calling and eye-gauging in the middle of the atrium wasn’t enough, they left all their garbage strewn all over the floor. Leaving many to wonder, what kind of a job are they really doing?

 

 

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