February 13, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 75  

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Guy helps you get yo’ freak on

the single guy
by brian wong

Jack and Jill, sittin’ in a tree: S-U-C-K-I-N-G. First comes lust, then comes sex, then comes Jack all over Jill’s dress.

But wait: what are Jack and Jill listening to while they get it on? Here are 18 songs, old and new, that will get you in the mood, get you off, then get you in even kinkier situations:

SIDE (A)
Taking it Slow
Marvin Gaye “I Want You”
Vibe: Oh-so-smooth yearning
Lyrics: “I want you, the right way/I want you, but I want you to want me too”

Garbage “#1 Crush”
Vibe: Trippy, psychotic, bloody obsession
Lyrics: “I would die for you/I would kill for you/I would steal for you”

Silk “Freak Me”
Vibe: Slow-burnin’ tongue action
Lyrics: “Let me lick you up and down/’Til you say stop/Let me play with your body, baby/Make you real hot/Let me do all the things you want me to do/’Cuz tonight, baby, I wanna get freaky with you!”

Color Me Badd “I Wanna Sex You Up”
Vibe: Horny pedophilia
Lyrics: “Your body is slammin’/So, honey, can I do ya?/Cos you and I both know tricks are for kids”

D’Angelo “Brown Sugar”
Vibe: Sweet, classy lovin’
Lyrics: “I want some of your brown sugar/Oooh... oooh... ”
TLC “Red Light Special”
Vibe: Cunnilingus in an Amsterdam storefront window or darkroom sex
Lyrics: “I’ll let you touch it/If you’d like to go down/I’ll let you go further/If you take the Southern route”

This is Hardcore
Nine Inch Nails “Closer”
Vibe: Warped chaotic hyena orgy
Lyrics: “I wanna fuck you like an animal/I wanna feel it from the inside”

Madonna: “Erotica”
Vibe: Hotel room with a hooker and a whip
Lyrics: “My name is Dita/I’ll be your mistress tonight/I’d like to put you in a trance”

Peaches: “Fuck the Pain Away”
Vibe: Triple-x porno fucking.
Lyrics: “Fuck the pain away/Fuck the pain away/Fuck the pain away”

L.L. Cool J “Doin’ It”
Vibe: A trashy riding with a trashy (but hot) partner
Lyrics: “Safe sexin’ it, flexin’ it, gettin’ that affectionate/Chewin’ it, oohin’ it, all while we’re doin’ it”

Liz Phair: “H.W.C.”
Vibe: Quirky rodeo, essential nutrients-filled spunk
Lyrics: “Gimme your hot white cum”

SIDE (B)
Other Kinds of Fun
N.E.R.D.: “Lap dance”
Vibe: Dirty dancing grind-fest
Lyrics: “Ooh, baby you want me?/Well you can get this lap dance here for free”

Janet Jackson: “Rope Burn”
Vibe: Kinky bondage turned religious experience
Lyrics: “Tie me up, tie me down/Make me moan real loud/Take off my clothes/No one has to know/ I wanna feel a soft rope burn”

Tool: “Prison Sex”
Vibe: Desperation
Lyrics: “Released in this sodomy/For one sweet moment I am whole”

Marilyn Manson: “Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth”
Vibe: Political rebellion twisted for sexual purposes
Lyrics: “This is the black collar song/Put it in your middle finger and sing along/Use your fist and not your mouth”

Broken Social Scene “Lover’s Spit”
Vibe: Mellow oral fluids
Lyrics: “All these people drinking lover’s spit/They sit around and clean their face with it”

The Hidden Cameras: “Golden Streams”
Vibe: Mellow yellow fluids
Lyrics: “My golden wand waves down your golden rod”

Go Your Own Way
Divinyls: “I Touch Myself”
Vibe: Female hygiene product jingle
Lyrics: “I don’t want anybody else/When I think about you/I touch myself”

 

 

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