February 13, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 75  

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The more you pay, the better

By David Lee
Gazette Staff

Believe it or not, but you’re probably already a john. Or a jane.

Impossible, you say? Not so. Because really, is it possible to have sex without somehow paying for it?

The obvious answer seems to be “yes” — very few men or women actually pay cash for sex. Those exceedingly few individuals who creep through the red light district in their Grand Marquis are only the most obvious customers of the flesh. In a way everyone who has had sex has paid for it in some way or another, though they don’t necessarily all subject themselves to sting operations to do so.

You’re probably thinking that you’ve never paid for sex. Think about it for a while, however, and you’ll realize you in fact have. You’ve probably paid for the dinner of a significant other, given a “thoughtful” gift or bought your way out of trouble with flowers or tickets to a sporting event. In these cases, you’re not simply forking over cash for sex as a normally-construed john would.

But what happens when the currency isn’t cash, but gifts or services that have been purchased with cash?

It seems that the answer then, is a most resounding “no” — you can’t escape paying for sex.

If you open yourself to this line of thinking, it’s clear that nearly everything you purchase for a significant other is tantamount to paying for sex. Obligatory gift occasions such as birthdays or anniversaries also become “relationship service charges”, requiring you to pay certain fees (gifts) to avoid having your service (sex) cut off.

That situation itself begs a secondary question: what should the price scale be for various sexual relations? It seems the simplest answer is that while the scale varies from person to person, it nevertheless remains a sliding one. For starters, it would stand to reason that the better looking a person is, the higher the low-end price. While a kiss may only cost you dinner at a nice restaurant, heavy petting above the waist will require that you go out to the theatre afterwards.

For university students, one of the most blatant instances of this phenomenon occurs at the local watering hole. Paying for someone else’s drinks usually increases your chances for sex — at least that’s the rationale for all of the drooling masses who hope to hook up on any given night out.

Though many will tell you that “it’s the thought that counts,” the reality is that sweet thoughts will net you little more than a kiss on the cheek. However, if you spend the big bucks, prepare to reap the biggest reward.



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