January 15, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 58  

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Shukvision dishes the dirt on Nike ads and Justice League

Mark Polishuk

Opinions Editor

Random observations gleaned from a week of watching TV. Actually, I just wanted to work in the word “gleaned.”

• Riddle me this: is it impressive or pathetic that I could go on Beat The Geeks and utterly dominate the show?

• Nike ads generally tend to be pretty high and mighty, but the new one with LeBron James and Bernie Mac as the preacher takes the cake. The commercial’s thesis: LeBron James is the second coming of Jesus. Nothing wrong there, no sir. I must’ve missed that book in the Bible where the Virgin Mary buys Jesus a Humvee for his birthday.

• Going back to my childhood days as a comic nerd, I watched a couple of episodes of the new Justice League cartoon show. It’s pretty good, though I did raise an eyebrow to discover they’re using Hawkgirl instead of the more well-known Hawkman, and Green Lantern is now a black guy. Apparently the Justice League aren’t mighty enough to overcome the PC police. I’m exaggerating a bit, since Hawkgirl and John Stewart (the black Lantern) are longtime, if lesser known, characters from the comics and are interesting in their own right. It’s worlds better than some of the other changes they could’ve done to make the JL more diverse and “hip.” Just imagine Flash coming out of the closet, Wonder Woman going goth or Superman being wheelchair-bound after a horseback riding accident... oh wait...

You know how we see movie versions of old ’60s TV shows, à la Beverly Hillbillies, Dragnet, Bewitched, etc.? Is it possible that in 20 years time we’ll go to a movie theatre to see something like Family Ties: The Movie, starring the youngest Lawrence kid as Alex P. Keaton and Hilary Duff as Mallory?

• Dan Marino was hired for a front office job with the Miami Dolphins. I think it’s just a clever way of getting him off the trainwreck that is the CBS football pregame show. Come on, NFL teams; someone offer Boomer Esaison a job as a quarterback coach and Deion Sanders a job as a how-not-to-tackle coach, and we can clean that whole show up.

• You might’ve seen that JVC ad for a home theatre system, where the couple are seemingly getting dressed up for a night on the town, but they end up plopping down on the couch to watch their flat-screen TV. The most incongruous part? They’re watching Swordfish. I don’t even think John Travolta himself would dress up to watch that piece of garbage; he showed up at the premiere in sweatpants and an “I heart Scientology” T-shirt.

Ellen Degeneres’s talk show is the best talk show ever hosted by a lesbian, easily topping Rosie O’Donnell and Wayne Brady.

• I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Scott Feschuk, The Gazette’s former editor-in-chief and National Post TV columnist (who never called his column Chukvision, oddly enough) getting a job as a speechwriter for Paul Martin. I guess we’ll notice Feschuk’s influence if the prime minister starts referencing old episodes of Frasier in his speeches.



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