January 16, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 59  

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NEWS

Frosty’s appeal loses lustre

GOOD

London in the running for World Juniors 2006. Though the initial decision to bid for the games was debated by bureaucrats, London may win a chance to host the prestigious hockey tournament in late 2005 and early 2006. The games would bring added revenue to the downtown core, and for you pickpockets out there, lots of ample targets. Ah, street crime...

United Way. London’s United Way campaign enjoyed great success at Western in 2003, raising over $325,000. The large sum was due in part to a “turn students upside-down and shake for change” initiative, modelled loosely after President Paul Davenport’s usual treatment of Western students.

The snow penis. The construction of a snow penis is an annual occurrence at Western. This year was no different, and the vaunted penis was joined by an all-new snow vagina (or as many call it, the “snussy”). An attempt to consummate the two ended badly, as one student was trapped beneath the structure’s left testicle. It gives a whole new meaning to the term snowball.

BAD

The “Bobbiting” of the snow penis. Anger arose over the lack of proper ’70s-style voluminous pubic coiffure surrounding the snow penis. As a result of the pube-fuelled animosity, the pseudo tribute to the CN Tower was taken down. Somewhere, a eunuch engineer wept.

Post-holiday entertainment letdown. Since movie studios and video game developers publish their best stuff right before Kwanza, it leaves January bereft of solid entertainment options, leaving impoverished students with little to do but play the skin flute.

UGLY

Copy Centre relocation. Intelligent placement of necessary facilities has hit an all-time low at Western. Spurred by threats from the Crips, the Blood-backed Copy Centre was forced to leave the Social Science Centre and return to its west-side turf at Saugeen.

The weather. Those damn Russians are at it again, toiling away at perfecting their weather machine after stealing research from Globex Corporation. Damn you Hank Scorpio! On a serious note, does anyone remember The Avengers?

York Federation of Students fiasco. This is just sad, plain and simple. The coup and counter-coup are reminiscent of vintage Cold War films. Only much more pathetic.

 

 

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