If we had $20
million to spend
Ah, to be a 28-year-old college student from
You’ve probably heard by now about Colin McDonald, a
business sales student at Belleville’s Loyalist College,
who snagged last week’s $20 million Super 7 jackpot.
He plans to drop out of school, spend his money and live his
dreams. Sounds like a pretty good deal, doesn’t it?
All the hubbub got us thinking — what would we do with
our own $20 million jackpot? Why, we’d improve campus
of course... but how?
Buy pants for those who insist on wearing skirts in winter — This
will also help shrink University Hospital’s budget for
dual leg amputations. Leg warmers are also considered a more
Become the mysterious corporate sponsor behind the new MIT
building — The building will be named The George W. Bush
Centre for Corporate Sponsorship, just to piss off MIT students.
Build the Karl Marx School of Business next to Ivey — The
school will teach the workers of the world to unite, lose their
chains and so on. At least, that’s what you’d be
led to think. In reality, it’d be conducting KGB-style
espionage against those capitalist HBA lapdogs. Dos vidanya!
Improve TV Western’s broadcast range beyond 50 feet — Broadcasting
events taking place in the University Community Centre atrium
into the atrium seems a little redundant: “And if you
look to your left, you’ll see the live version of events!”
Pay for the USC’s alcohol insurance — $1 million
could go towards the actual policy and the remaining $19 million
could go towards booze.
Build a Star Trek style transporter — We’re not
all nerds here at The Gazette. Really. Honestly. Who suggested
this one, anyway? Didn’t you see The Fly?
Pay the Queer Eye guys to redo Concrete Beach — Priority
No. 1 has to be getting rid of that damn purple awning.
Pay for Bible re-writes — It’s not like the Ten
Commandments were written in stone or anything.
Buy feminists a sense of humour — While you’re
at it, erase all the feminist graffiti in the tunnel between
Weldon Library and Huron University College.
Move the entire campus to Florida — Besides the obvious
warmth benefit, the state’s “less is more” attitude
towards clothing really speaks to us.