January 23, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 63  

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Dwarf tossing a ‘swell time’

Marshall Law
Marshall Bellamy

News Editor

Attila the Hun was a dwarf.

Matt Prince/Gazette
UP UP AND AWAY!. Although we’re wondering why they call him Tripod, everyone still loves tossing him, including these partygoers.

That was the only thought running through my mind while I waited in a line to toss the controversial and strangely interesting-looking dwarf. I’ve learned that you don’t want to mess around with little people — they have a habit of being very ornery sometimes — which is exactly why I was considering the dreaded barbarian before I tossed the little guy known in dwarf-tossing circles as Tripod.

Tripod resembled Papa Smurf; he was covered with blue face paint and wore a very loud pair of red pants. He also pasted a bunch of white fluff to his chin, giving him with a regal Smurf-like appearance.

Although in a previous article I had written that the dwarf weighed about 50 pounds, I learned the hard way that Tripod was no 50-pounder, and if it wasn’t for the broad shouldered guy who helped me toss the dwarf, I really don’t think I would have been capable of throwing him any distance.

Tripod was also much shorter than 4’8”; in fact he barely came up to my sissy-man pecs with his trusty red toque.

He was strapped into a harness, without any protective equipment, allowing two drunks to grab the handholds on the back of the harness and swing him back and forth until they had gained enough momentum to underarm toss him onto a pile of air mattresses, and into the waiting arms of the blowup doll goddess.

In an earlier interview, Carry Anne Baines, co-owner of Club VIP, the reputable and posh establishment where the circus-esque spectacle took place, equated the sport of dwarf tossing to reality television and strip clubs.

I have been to a couple strip clubs in my time and, although I don’t like it, I have watched some reality TV. But nothing, absolutely nothing, could prepare me for the extravaganza of witnessing a dwarf being tossed by a pair of drunken little people-throwers.

Dan Okenfuss from the Little People of America said dwarf tossing was degrading to little people everywhere. The LPA was also responsible for getting the carnival activity banned in Florida, where word has it that frat boys would get drunk on Spring Break and then run through town tossing dwarfs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I really believe that if you enjoy doing something, and it doesn’t hurt anyone, you should be able to do it. Baines mentioned that Tripod enjoys getting tossed around bars and he makes huge amounts of money doing it. Just think of it; every patron at the bar pays a $5 cover and then a fee for tossing Tripod.

Without intrepid dwarves like Tripod, we’d live in a crazed world where a dwarf can’t be thrown to fullfil a few drunks appetite for a swell time.

 

 

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