Black, birds, Belinda and burglary
By Dan Perry
Ah, The Gazette. We’ve got news and we’ve sure
got dummies; so here’s what happened this week.
Amid allegations he was “editing” the content of
not only his newspapers but his ledger books too, Conrad Black
said this week that he was misled when he followed advice to
step down as head of his Chicago-based media empire, Hollinger
Inc. He also claims the lawsuit against him was filed without
the consent of the whole board. Funny: approval never stopped
him from all those “business” trips to hobnob Westminster
The provincial government finally smelled the coffee this
week, admitting the Ontario Student Assistance Program was
in dire need of reform; while universities’ strategies
remain unchanged, London’s Gap stores have pre-ordered
three times the usual number of sweaters for next spring.
Former Magna CEO Belinda Stronach announced this week that
she will indeed be running for the leadership of the new Conservative
Party of Canada, joining former Canadian Alliance leader Stephen
Harper, former Ontario health minister Tony Clement and former
Heavyweight Champion of the World — oh wait, this isn’t
In Asia, birds are dropping like flies (or, some experts say,
like sick birds), due to an outbreak of the avian flu in South
Korea, Japan, Vietnam and now, World Health Organization officials
fear, China. Five people have died from the disease in Vietnam,
all from eating infected chickens. Leading ornithologist Col.
Sanders could not be reached for comment, but his secretaries
fear the worst.
French carvings worth $1.5 million were discovered stolen
from the Art Gallery of Ontario over the weekend. The 18th
century artworks are the property of billionaire Kenneth Thompson,
and word on the street is that he won’t let his teenage
son borrow the car anymore either...
Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart was in court this week, pleading
not guilty to charges of lying, obstruction of justice and
fraud. She began cooking up an excuse, but word is the judge
got a little suspicious when she reached into the fridge and
pulled out one she had made the night before.
And finally, London city council unveiled its new budget Wednesday,
but refused to call The Gazette back and comment on the new
10 per cent tax increase, which could very likely put students’ rents
up. Students, however, can rest assured: those communists don’t
want us to vote next time anyway.