ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Big, dark, sweet and creamy: a taste test
THIS, WILLY WONKA. Nestle's new variations on classic chocolate bars
lie completely wasted after we had out way with them.
It’s taste test time again! The fine folks at Nestle are responsible
for the classic chocolate bars Kit Kat, Coffee Crisp and Aero, but what happens
when they dip their candies into a pool of variation and come up with new flavours
for each? A&E editors Lori Mastronardi and Brian Wong and Opinions editor
Mark Polishuk weigh in, stuffing themselves with sweet, sweet sugar.
Kit Kat Dark
What is it? A regular four-bar Kit Kat, but instead of coating it in milk chocolate,
this one is covered in the more bitterly sexy dark chocolate.
Mark: Mmm... what’s wrong with this Kit Kat?
Lori: It tastes a little bit like coffee — pure, black coffee. I feel
grown up when I eat it.
Brian: It’s Klassy Kit Kat!
Mark: Official bar of the KKK.
Kit Kat Chunky Caramel
What is it? Instead of four breakable mini bars, this Kit Kat is one gigantic
mother consisting of an enormous wafer and a layer of gooey caramel.
Mark: It’s huge!
Brian: I like the blend of caramel and wafer, but why does it have to be so
Lori: It’s a fuckin’ huge block! Caramel and wafer? It’s
like the Big Mac of chocolate bars. I don’t like it.
Kit Kat Chunky White
What is it? One gigantic Kit Kat coated in creamy white chocolate.
Lori: It’s better than the caramel. But you wouldn’t want the whole
bar — just a little piece.
Brian: White chocolate is klassy too.
Mark: Eh... racist candy...
What is it? A bubbly Aero bar injected with a river of caramel.
Mark: Pretty much like a Caramilk bar. Really good.
Lori: It’s really sweet though. I feel like I’m getting a cavity.
Brian: I agree. After the Klassy Kit Kats, this is inferior.
What is it? Instead of breakable, bite-sized Aero pieces, you get one big bar
Brian: How is this different from regular Aero?
Mark: Good question. It tastes just like Aero, except in one giant piece.
Lori: It’s too big — Aeros are better to eat in pieces. It’s
just too many bubbles at once.
Coffee Crisp Triple Mocha
What is it? A Coffee Crisp bar flavoured with mocha — to simulate mocha
[Note: Mark doesn’t like mocha-flavoured things so he’s skipping
Lori: [sniffs it] Smells good! Wow! I think this is my favourite so far.
Brian: Good Lord! This is awesome. I will eat anything coffee-flavoured. Except
Coffee Crisp French Vanilla
What is it? A Coffee Crisp bar flavoured with French vanilla — to simulate
French vanilla coffee, duh.
Lori: I don’t like it. This is a really bad one to end with. Aww, this
is sick. I’m so high on sugar now, I’m gonna speed walk home.
Brian: Despite my love for vanilla, this tastes toxic.
Mark: Argh, is this Coffee Crisp?
Lori & Brian: Yes.
Mark: [Says nothing. Spits it out].