January 28, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 65  

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Celebrity Dartboard
Stick it on a wall, aim and throw!

When it comes to disliking Jewel, where to even begin?

She started her career as a whiny, annoying “singer” (and the term is used loosely) from Alaska. We were supposed to feel sorry for her because of her past. “Look at me. I lived in a car. I had no friends. But I wrote songs to pass the time.”

Shut up. Nobody cares. Her music was bad, with it’s sappy lyrics and folk music rhythm. Then she decided to write a book of poetry. Because apparently, we were supposed to be interested in her talking about her shoes. Now, in order to sell more records, she’s morphed into a super-skank. What the hell was with that video with her dancing in the rain? Anything to sell a few more albums... .
And the kicker — after all these years and all her millions of dollars in record sales, she still hasn’t fixed her DAMN CROOKED TEETH!



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