ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
“Rock ’n’ roll ejaculate”
By Ash Wittig
Gazette file photo
I FEEL HAMMERED ALREADY. White Cowbell Oklahoma bring their... err... “unique” stage
show to The Embassy this Saturday.
If there’s one must-see show for the entire year, it’s White Cowbell
Oklahoma. Infamous for their rowdy shows and questionable Southern twang, “the
Bell” sat down to talk about the fourth dimension, wrestling in coleslaw
and sexual feelings.
No one knows exactly where White Cowbell originated, but there are an estimated
432 people in the band, collected from all over.
“We met in various places; some dudes we found face down in the gutter
and we knew they had the right attitudes, so we picked ’em up,” says
vocalist Clem. “We brought some folks with us from places of ill-repute...
and then there’s the originals, who came from the fourth dimension of
outer space.” Clem stops himself from saying any more here, because “Earth
folk just can’t comprehend it.”
He touches on the history of the band briefly, mentioning secret underground
laboratories in Bolivia and plans on cloning members of the Bell and their
favourite porn stars to take over the world.
“We got our finger in every fanny. We control the military, the politicians
and the porn industries,” Clem states, adding that the Bell as a whole
are “rock ’n’ roll demi-gods.”
Now here’s the reason why missing their show would be a crime: “Every
show is completely different from the last, a microcosm unto itself if you
will,” Clem offers. “We don’t even know what’s gonna
happen. People start takin’ off their clothes and start drinkin’ like
it was just invented. Audience members start fornicating right up on stage,
under the stage, beside the stage and in front of the stage.”
He explains that at a Toronto show there was even “coleslaw wrestlin’:
three scantily-clad women against one man. Cabbage was flyin’ everywhere
in a mixture of pleasure, pain and sexual feelings.”
White Cowbell Oklahoma mix their love of the cowbell with Southern rock, encapsulating
influences from Alice Cooper to ZZ Top, but with slightly modern-sounding rhythms.
Their latest CD release, Cencerro Blanco, includes the song “San Antone,” which
has guest appearances by both Ronnie Hawkins and Sloan’s Chris Murphy,
and can be seen on MuchMusic.
Clem says their next single, “Monster Railroad,” will be out in
the spring and that “it’s gonna involve trains and rock ’n’ roll.”
According to Clem, the best part about being a travelling rock ’n’ roll
band is sauce. “You get to try different barbecue sauces from all over!
I’m startin’ up a journal for barbecue sauces. Oh, and the brothels.”
With any luck, White Cowbell Oklahoma will once again unveil one of their
most exciting props at the London show: a ten-foot-long giant rock ’n’ roll
erection. “We pump rock ’n’ roll ejaculate all over the crowd,” Clem
reveals, adding happily, “You’re gonna lose a few brain cells,
but that night when ya get home, you’re probably gonna have the most
bestial, lusty, sexual experience ever from the amount of that there testosterone
that we’ll be givin’ off at the show.”
If that doesn’t make you want to experience the Bell, nothing will!
White Cowbell Oklahoma hit The Embassy on Saturday, Jan. 31.