Oscar makes us grouch
It’s that time of year again — the “Academy” has
convened to judge and select this year’s lucky group
of Oscar nominees. The verdicts have been released, garnered
ample media coverage and sparked discussion among typical movie-goers.
While some people are thrilled The Lord of the Rings received
another million nominations, others are indifferent to award
shows in general, while many simply don’t understand
why we should place any sense of importance on the Oscars.
Well, The Gazette surprisingly falls into the latter group
and below are the reasons as to why such award shows are dreadfully
The Oscars merely provide a chance for celebrities to publicly
give themselves blow jobs, leaving viewers with no choice but
to fill the disturbing role of the voyeur.
Politics plays a primary role in the selection process, thereby
ensuring that certain, deserving actors never receive recognition
for their work, while other nominees simply win to fill a quota.
Besides, it isn’t even possible to properly compare people
in the various realms of the industry.
The hosts are boring. They miserably fail in their attempt
to appear both comedic and classy, thereby forcing Oscar attendees
to politely applaud and laugh, while viewers at home are left
Celebrities assume that they can take their moment and run
with it. The key word here is moment; therefore, it is unnecessary
to thank everyone from your agent to God. Just take your award
and get off the stage — don’t make them play that
awful music to shut you up.
A slew of films are released just in time for Oscars in an
effort to ensure both nominations and audience attention. Also,
film companies further capitalize on the Oscars by re-releasing
The Academy Awards have become a game of whoever has the most
money wins the Oscar. On a similar note, celebrities can flaunt
their expensive designer wardrobes as they saunter across the
red carpet, as they all vie for the crown of “best-dressed
How long can Joan Rivers host the preview show? She’s
like Clayface from Batman — hopefully she’ll begin
melting this year.
Cameramen choose to film nominee reactions immediately after
they’ve “lost the award.” Nominees then pretend
to be happy for the winner, when deep down inside they just
want to kick and scream and tell the Academy where to go — now
that would get more people watching.
Cuba Gooding Jr. was so genuinely shocked at his win — with
good reason — that he began breakdancing. Adrien Brody
took his moment on stage to make out with Halle Berry. We advocate
that more celebrities partake in such random acts in order
to provide us with real reasons to watch.