Future plans involve Neil Young?
What is wong with you?
It’s March. Not only is a new season
ready to spring up, but so is that one question every student
on the cusp of graduating gets asked: “What are you going
Yet unlike the upcoming change of season, this question does
not make me think of the innocence of fresh tulip blossoms,
the sweet chirping of eager robins or inhaling the invigorating
misty air after a delicate shower. Instead, I can sense the
sweet smell of no success, while having to wake up to that
annoying chirping every morning so I can head off to a job
at Best Buy, and those poor tulips — forced to bloom
every year — who probably have questions of their own: “What
the hell? It’s spring again? Just goddamn leave me alone!”
As April nears, I am being bombarded with, “What are
you going to do?” more and more, and after every passing
day, it seems as if interest turns to interrogation.
“WHAT IS YOUR PLAN?”
“HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT?”
“ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO COLLEGE? GRAD SCHOOL? WORK?”
Um, I don’t know! I have problems deciding what I’m
going to eat TONIGHT, let alone what I’m going to do
after I contend with all the tests and final assignments in
the next few weeks. But I do know it’s better to plan
ahead so I don’t find myself in May with nothing to do,
depressed that I’m not doing anything, with said depression
causing me to not want to do anything but stay indoors for
an indefinite period — an indefinite period because I’ve
been indoors so long I don’t know what season it is anymore.
Maybe I should stop jumping to the worst scenario possible.
I actually have thought of one way to deal with the “What
are you going to do?” question — it’s called
“Oh, I’d LOVE to become a journalist!”
“Oh, I’m planning on going to college to learn
practical job skills!”
“Oh, I’m going to pursue a job in the media, information
and technoculture field!”
Whereas the “I don’t know” response usually
makes your listener feel obliged to interrogate you further
(and offer you career path suggestions you don’t care
to hear), such enthusiastic, straightforward answers are sure
to impress people, even though you may not believe in them
In the meantime, I have set some worthier future goals. Here’s
what I’m going to do:
1) Find a pair of jeans that actually fit. Every pair of jeans
I’ve owned have either been too long, too short, too
tight, too loose or too ugly. Hey, denim companies, please
remind that starving 14-year-old seamstress in China that just
because someone is skinny, it doesn’t mean they’re
2) Finish a novel. I don’t remember what the last work
of fiction I read was. Oh, wait — it was 1984, and I
stopped after 50 pages. Orwell, I will come back for you.
3) Find someone to slow-dance with. I haven’t slow-danced
with anyone since the high school prom with the shitty food
and music. Interested individuals who like slow-dancing and “Harvest
Moon,” please send a resumé (and photo) to email@example.com.