March 10, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 83  

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Tales from the mean streets of Ohio

Thrust n' Perry
Dan Perry

News Editor

I’m one of few who used slack week to learn something.

My study in Canadian-American relations began in Toledo, OH, three hours after crossing the border into Michigan, when three friends and I stopped at the Canadian Embassy (a.k.a. Tim Horton’s). Here are some of my notes.

Americans are great hockey fans: Even the complacent (but friendly) staff at the donut shrine had an idea of who Tim Horton was. When we arrived in Columbus, we were proud to have peanuts thrown at our Team Canada and Red Wings-jersey sporting carcasses, watching the last-place Blue Jackets lose to the next-to-last place Blackhawks and drinking US$8 water... er, uh, beer.

Ohio State students are as cool as we are: Four guys come knocking on your rez windows, trying to find a place to get loaded near campus. Do you (a) let an RA handle them? or (b) invite them in to chill with you in the lounge, despite the fact they’re half-drunk, road-weary foreigners? Of course, I’d have let us in too...

American girls hate beards: At the campus watering hole, Old School’s, we were as unsuccessful in our search for action as we were in finding Will Ferrell. Two members of our party were obviously lost as the only two “beardos” in the bar. We did, however, play over-under with how many times we could get shot down in a given time frame. I won... yay?

Climax, OH is a great town: New “Please Come Again” sign: $400. Gas to drive an hour out of our way to see seven houses in a corn field: $18. Video footage of four dumbass Canucks asking old men to describe how they get to Climax? Priceless.

American liquor laws kick ass: It might be too late to buy beer at the 7-Eleven, but you can go back to the bar and buy a case for the road. Oh, and who could forget Old School’s “liquid buffet?” All you can drink for $10. The writing, I admit, is a little blurry.

The Drew Carey Show is factually accurate: Cleveland is a great little city about double London’s size, clean and has a great lakefront scene. I saw the guitar smashed on the London Calling cover in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Tourist trap? Au contraire!



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