ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Friends retrospective à la Shuk
We’re just a couple months away from the last episode
of Friends, and with only four new episodes left, NBC has decided to fill the
next six weeks with “the best of Friends” reruns. In honour of
NBC’s shameless attempt to package reruns as something special, Shukvision
is going to embark on its own, 27 per cent more original, Friends retrospective.
The First Friends episode
I ever saw
The one where Ross helps Rachel do her laundry for the first time. I saw it
in a hotel room in Macon, Georgia in 1995 on my way down to Florida with my
dad to see some spring training baseball. At one game, I saw former Toronto
Blue Jays manager Buck Martinez sitting in the stands behind home plate with
his shirt off. The vision of that chest and shoulder hair still leaves me curled
in the fetal position, weeping. Only Friends could ease the pain.
This was a tough call so I’m deciding to sit on the fence like a modern-day...
uh... James Madison. I’m sure the fourth president of the United States
sat on a fence at some point in his life. Anyway, just about all of the Thanksgiving
episodes (i.e. Rachel makes a trifle, Brad Pitt guest-stars, Monica and Ross
play football) are hilarious.
Friends generally kept at the same B+ level of comedy throughout its entire
run, so there aren’t many episodes that really stand out as being memorably
bad. The recent episode with Greg Kinnear, however, was pretty stupid.
5) Ross and Monica’s New Year’s dance routine
4) Ross trying to remove his leather pants
3) Chandler, Rachel and Ross try to move a couch upstairs. “Pi-VOT!”
2) Phoebe and Chandler try to “seduce” each other
1) The Holiday Armadillo
Remember the episode where an encyclopedia salesman (Penn from Penn & Teller)
is trying to sell Joey a set of encyclopedias by asking him if he ever feels
left out of conversations with his friends? Joey flashes back to his not being
able to contribute when the gang is discussing documentaries they’ve
seen, Nobel Prize winners, etc. When the hell have these six ever had intellectual
Most Dated Moment
The episode where Ross, Monica and Chandler go to a Hootie & the Blowfish
concert. Ah, the fun of being a mid-’90s yuppie.
Best Celebrity Guest Star
Tom Selleck. His moustache took second place.
Worst Celebrity Guest Star
Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Friend that probably
has the best idea of what
Conan O’Brien looks like naked
Lisa Kudrow used to date Conan back when the two were acting together in Los
Angeles comedy troupes in the late ‘80s.
Once and for all,
who’s the hottest female friend
Kudrow is hurt by the fact that Phoebe was supposed to be the “wacky
one” and was uglied up in bland pastels for most of the series. Most
people would vote for Jennifer Aniston, but I’ve always been a longtime
fan of Courteney Cox from back in the Family Ties and Ace Ventura days. Aside
from that unfortunate season when she got freakishly thin, I have to put myself
down as a big supporter of Cox. Some men might be wary of picking Cox, but
frankly, I could watch Cox all day.
Once and for all,
who’s the hottest male friend
I’m not qualified to answer this, so a quick poll of the women in The
Gazette office reveals that it’s Matthew Perry. Moral of the story: girls
love funny guys with drug problems.
Worst movies starring
a Friends cast member
3) Masters of the Universe — This one not only had Cox, but also Christina
Pickles, who played Monica’s mother on Friends.
2) Leprechaun — Aniston was in this movie that gained eternal fame thanks
to Mike Myers and a flashlight.
1) Ed — Matt LeBlanc co-stars with a baseball-playing chimp. Even worse,
the chimp is now a starting pitcher for the Detroit Tigers.
Odds that the last episode
Probably 4-1. Last episodes almost always stink. Seinfeld, I’m looking
in your direction.