The sacred oath of the pinky
I’ve come to trust something that’s
almost entirely mysterious to me. I’ve come to believe
in the “pinky swear.”
Nobody really seems sure of where the whole phenomenon started,
though I think it was back on Full House, when DJ and Stephanie
often promised each other with the obligatory motion. Danny
Tanner seemed like a God-fearing man, yet he allowed his daughters
to partake in a clearly atheistic ritual. Where were Uncles
Joey and Jesse on that one? One only hopes the Olsen twins
didn’t pinky swear each other that they’d remain
virgins until their wedding nights.
Regardless, it seems the pinky swear has replaced other methods
of truth-telling. No longer do you hear people say “I
swear to God,” or “I swear on my mother’s
grave” or “cross my heart, hope to die, stick a
needle in my eye.” Instead, the pinky swear is the supreme
form of truthfulness.
Ask nearly any female and she’ll inherently understand
the gravity of the action, though she may not frequently invoke
the act herself. She might not ask you to pinky swear, but
if you ask her to confirm the veracity of her statements, she’ll
be more than happy to oblige your request for a pinky-lock.
A simple question begs asking: should we replace all oaths
with the pinky swear? Imagine you’re about to testify
in court at whatever eventually gets dubbed as the trial of
the 21st century. Instead of asking you to place your right
hand on The Bible, the judge could simply lean over, extend
his right pinky and knowingly raise an eyebrow a la The Rock.
Or maybe the pinky swear will replace vows at weddings. “I
do” could easily be replaced with a firm clasp of the
oft-forgotten finger. After all, you already use the rest of
your digits during a wedding. You give the organist a thumbs-up
to play, you point to your friends with your index finger,
you flip off the surly caterer with your middle and you use
your ring finger for — big surprise here — your
What really brought all of these thoughts around was that
I recently caught my girlfriend lying during a pinky swear.
It was only regarding some trivial matter, but the problem
is that if I can’t trust the highest form of truth-telling
in our relationship, what can I trust?
In the end, maybe it’s not that big a deal. Maybe I
can start some new trend without the help of Valeri Bure’s
wife or a washed-up Jodie Sweetin. Maybe for my girlfriend
and I, the “ring-finger hook” will be the new thing.
So believe it — the pinky swear is hear to stay. Trust
me on this one. I’ll ring-finger hook you on it.