March 16, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 86  

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Fruit Flute a great way to compensate

By Mike Dewar
Gazette Staff

Guys, it’s probably occurred to many of you by now that we can’t all have a gigantic penis. This dilemma often leads men to “overcompensate” for their shortcomings. Buying guns and huge cars are two of the more obvious, quick solutions, while other men are led to uncontrollable cursing.

Perhaps this trend is the reason our streets are overrun by Hummers and gun fights. In the event you’re seeking an alternative to these self-esteem improvement methods, why not try your overly-large right hand at this simple recipe instead?

Its application on the object of your affection is practically guaranteed to keep you from being run over by someone’s over compensation-mobile, or worse yet, getting capped to death while buying porn... at least for one night.

The Ten Inch ‘Fruit Flute’
Here’s what you’ll need:
Strawberry Jell-O
Strawberry Ice Cream
Strawberries
Canned Whipped Cream
Champagne Flutes

First mix enough Jell-O to fill the desired number of champagne flutes (probably two, unless you’re really lucky). Prepare the Jell-O according to the instructions on the package (to avoid dessert impotence later on). Once the con-cock-tion is mixed, pour the Jell-O into the champagne flutes. Submerge one strawberry, tip down into each flute, sinking them to the bottom, then place the flutes in a refrigerator until they become firm and hard.

When the Jell-O has set, gently coax it from the champagne flutes and place the resulting forms on separate plates. You get bonus points if the end result can be made to stand on end (that is to say, erect). Use a knife to help remove the Jell-O if ‘pulling out’ gives you trouble.

Next, arrange two scoops of ice cream at the base of the Jell-O — get the picture yet?

Finally, use your imagination to top the Jell-O with whipped cream in inventive ways. Hide the remaining whipped cream somewhere in the bedroom, or beside the couch, or on the kitchen floor (whatever) for later use.

Now you should be looking at the finished product. If it resembles a penis, congratulations, you’ve succeeded. The only problem you will likely have encountered was finding a 10-inch champagne flute. Never fear though, as it’ll be dark anyway — and you can always embellish a little.

Regardless of size, this dessert is likely to get a laugh out of anyone. The final step: serve after an equally erotic meal, and then turn off the lights.

Bon appétit!

 

 

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