ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Fruit Flute a great way to compensate
By Mike Dewar
Guys, it’s probably occurred to many of you by now that we can’t
all have a gigantic penis. This dilemma often leads men to “overcompensate” for
their shortcomings. Buying guns and huge cars are two of the more obvious,
quick solutions, while other men are led to uncontrollable cursing.
Perhaps this trend is the reason our streets are overrun by Hummers and gun
fights. In the event you’re seeking an alternative to these self-esteem
improvement methods, why not try your overly-large right hand at this simple
Its application on the object of your affection is practically guaranteed
to keep you from being run over by someone’s over compensation-mobile,
or worse yet, getting capped to death while buying porn... at least for one
The Ten Inch ‘Fruit Flute’
Here’s what you’ll need:
Strawberry Ice Cream
Canned Whipped Cream
First mix enough Jell-O to fill the desired number of champagne flutes (probably
two, unless you’re really lucky). Prepare the Jell-O according to the
instructions on the package (to avoid dessert impotence later on). Once the
con-cock-tion is mixed, pour the Jell-O into the champagne flutes. Submerge
one strawberry, tip down into each flute, sinking them to the bottom, then
place the flutes in a refrigerator until they become firm and hard.
When the Jell-O has set, gently coax it from the champagne flutes and place
the resulting forms on separate plates. You get bonus points if the end result
can be made to stand on end (that is to say, erect). Use a knife to help remove
the Jell-O if ‘pulling out’ gives you trouble.
Next, arrange two scoops of ice cream at the base of the Jell-O — get
the picture yet?
Finally, use your imagination to top the Jell-O with whipped cream in inventive
ways. Hide the remaining whipped cream somewhere in the bedroom, or beside
the couch, or on the kitchen floor (whatever) for later use.
Now you should be looking at the finished product. If it resembles a penis,
congratulations, you’ve succeeded. The only problem you will likely have
encountered was finding a 10-inch champagne flute. Never fear though, as it’ll
be dark anyway — and you can always embellish a little.
Regardless of size, this dessert is likely to get a laugh out of anyone. The
final step: serve after an equally erotic meal, and then turn off the lights.