March 17, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 87  

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Celebrity Dartboard
Stick it on a wall, aim and throw!

They say good things come in threes, so it is logical to assume that anything that comes in twos is crap. The Olsen twins definitely fall into that category.

From their early days as the most sickeningly saccharine part of Full House, to their current status as stars of the straight-to-video teen movie universe, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have come a long way on a thimbleful of talent.

In addition to their Children of the Corn-esque personalities and the fact both girls seem to be trapped in a Borg-like symbiosis with each other, the creepiest part about the Olsens is that they have inspired legions of perverted men to count down the minutes until both girls are of legal age.

The pervs will no doubt get their wish, since it’s only a matter of time before a career downturn sees the twins in Playboy. Where is Bob Saget — to provide parental advice — when you need him?



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