St. Patrick’s Day: Irish and non-Irish rejoice
By Marshall Bellamy
PATRICK’S DAY + LOTS OF ALCOHOL + THE SPIRIT
OF THE IRISH = DEBAUCHERY. From left to right, Jillian
Humphreys, Trevor Campbell, Alicia Bond and Mike Healey
celebrate the greatest drinking day of the year at The
Yesterday, most of the world — at least the Irish world
and the one that wanted to be Irish — celebrated St.
Patrick’s Day, a day of saintly patronage, solemn reflection
and irrepentant boozing.
Western was no exception to the Irish festivities as The Spoke
hosted a wild party for the Irish saint.
“Nobody takes St. Patty’s Day off — there’s
a couple [employees] lucky enough not to be scheduled,” said
Spoke manager Andrew Mes, adding that customers were already
lined up when The Spoke opened at 11 a.m..
“Last year was huge; I think this is carry-over from
last year,” he said, noting that last year’s St.
Patrick’s Day fell on a Monday when The Spoke sold $1
“They’ve been drinking more than last year, if
that’s possible,” Mes said, adding the beer delivery
truck also arrived at 11 a.m., so bar staff were bringing up
beer as the taps at the bar were running out. “It was
touch and go there.”
The questions lingers: why would so many people come out to
drink on St. Patrick’s Day?
“They all want to be Irish — they’re all wannabes” said
Irish Club President David Heffernan. “You’re only
Irish if you’re born there.”
A short trip to The Spoke shed some light on Heffernan’s
“I’m one-sixteenth Irish, but I’m mostly
Scottish,” said Spoke customer and University Students’ Council
VP-campus issues Adrienne Kennedy. “But hey, everyone
loves St. Patty’s Day.”
“I’m pretending to be Irish,” admitted second-year
media, information and technoculture student Alex McRae. “If
I said ‘kiss me right now’, you’d have to
because I’m Irish.”
“Those lil’ bastards, always faking it — you
gotta keep it real,” said third-year political science
student Luke Reidy, noting his Irish heritage originated in
The Irish Embassy could not be reached for comment because
they were taking the day off, and Lucky — of Lucky Charms
cereal fame — also could not be reached (although repeated
messages were left at General Mills, Lucky’s cereal manufacturer).
OF THE MORNIN’ TO YA. Second-year administrative
and commercial studies and economics student Tori Nethery
celebrates St. Patty’s Day at The Spoke yesterday
with some good ol’ liquid courage.
Heffernan said St. Patrick’s Day evenings at the Irish
Club tend to be split evenly between the Irish and those wishing
to be Irish.
He did offer some advice to those trying to find out how to
be more Irish on St. Patty’s Day. “I certainly
think the only way you’re going to find out is by being
with Irish people.”
Whatever their reasons for consuming many a frothy pint, Mes
indicated that the afternoon crowd at The Spoke was much larger
than anticipated. “Hopefully, we don’t run out
St. Patty’s Day revellers also had their own reasons
for donning green costumes and pounding back beer by the pint.
“Mid-terms are done, exams haven’t started yet,
hot girls are dressed in green and they’re all drunk,” explained
third-year physiology and psychology student Shane Gonsalvez.
“Moody says on Patty’s Day you drink your beers,
then fuck your sluts [and] drink your Labatt 50,” said
third-year engineering student Adam Moody.
Third-year kinesiology student Marina Knezevic, who was sitting
beside Moody, quietly agreed with him, and recounted her St
Patty’s Day experience last year. “I passed out