ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Give head, get ahead
Making the Grade
Starring: Faith Adams, Pat Myne, Flick Shagwell, Ava Vincent, Sharon Wild,
Lola, Kaiser Sosay
Directed by: Nic Cramer
By Nicole D’Cruz
The basic premise of Making the Grade? A reporter for The California Gazette
is sent back to school to write about the sex lives of college students.
Megan (Adams) is wary of the assignment because she never fared well in college.
This is the first indication of an unbelievable plot line. It’s safe
to assume that although Megan isn’t the smartest girl — but rather
a girl who wears barely-there tops and shirts too short for a five-year-old — she
should have no trouble making friends.
As she flashes back to her days in college, the film finally gets to some
sex. In a scene that should be called “Giving head to get ahead,” Megan
goes down on her professor in hopes of giving both him and her a rise. The
background music unfortunately disappears and we are left to hear every suck
and gag. This is the second indication of a weak plot; no man that old nd wrinkly
should ever take so long to finish.
After a horribly acted ‘should I or shouldn’t I?’ moment,
Megan finally heads off to college, dressed as a Catholic school girl, of course.
There is a fair representation of students at this school, with an ex-prom
queen, an exchange student, a slut and a much lusted-after teacher all in tow.
Megan initially feels out of place, but easily makes friends when she pleasures
herself while watching the prom queen and the Eastern European exchange student
engage in some typical locker room, faux-lesbian sex. Afterwards, everyone
loosens up (ahem) and freely talks about their sexual experience.
Audiences are given an array of standard sex scenes, including three guy-girl
encounters and one scene with two guys and one girl. Portrayed as a dream,
Megan pegs this as a nightmare, but not once do we hear her say no.
Making the Grade has a professional feel, with decent lighting and interesting
camera angles, but the sex scenes are too long; no one wants to partake in
marathon sex they aren’t actually a part of. But DVD technology has done
wonders for the porn industry, because Making the Grade enables viewers to
pick only the types of sex they want to see.
The best feature is the “PopShot.” When a sex scene starts, a
little cartoon sperm will flash on the screen, and by simply pushing a button,
the film will jump to the climax and subsequent facial.
Now, where is life’s little button when all you’re looking for
is a quick fix?