Serenity now, paper swans later
Kats got your tongue
I’ve often thought every person has
a little bit of craziness in them. Now, I’m quite sure
that is not true — it’s just me.
I cannot do just one thing at a time. When normal people watch
TV, they sit and watch. I must do something else at the same
time, or I go nuts. I fold laundry, do the dishes, cut my toe
nails — anything to avoid just sitting there.
When I sit in class, I do origami. I admit it, I’m the
one who pisses everyone off with the paper-folding noises and
the origami animals and foliage left behind wherever I go.
When I wait for either the bus or class, I can read. But during
class, I need something to keep my mind on the lecture.
Why, you ask? I’m crazy. I’m sorry, there’s
no other explanation than that. If I’m doing nothing
at all, I lose myself in endless tirades of analyzing everything
possible, criticizing everything I can and worrying about everything
under the sun. To make a long story short, I have a bit of
an anxiety problem.
So here I am, outing myself as that annoying origami dork — and
as a terminal case of anxiety to the extreme. I have had problems
with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I didn’t
realize this was anything out of the ordinary until I took
psych 020 and read the definition in the textbook.
When I read the definition of anxiety and depression, I put
my head down on the textbook and bawled. For some reason, it
seemed better in my mind if I was weird, and if there was no
definition of me in a textbook. But there I was on the page.
I tried to take up smoking to boost the dopamine levels in
my brain, but that just gave me bad breath. So I’ve spent
much of my time since psych 020 trying to find ways to combat
my natural tendency of worrying myself silly and somehow assuming
the sky is always falling.
It may be crazy, but origami is one of the best solutions
I have found — it provides an efficient and easy method
of distracting my worrisome mind so I can focus on the task
at hand. In this case, the task at hand is class.
A lecture is not enough to keep my mind out of the trenches.
I will worry about the upcoming essay or exam. I’ll worry
my gerbil doesn’t like my new haircut; my shoes are too
pointy; I forgot to do a hundred things (that I actually probably
already did twice). I’ll worry the subtext of what someone
said to me yesterday really means they think I’m ugly
and stupid… you get the picture.
And then I turn on the TV and see those dippy Zoloft commercials.
Oh you stupid sad little blob, I know your pain. But why is
it that pharmaceutical companies, which make the drugs to treat
depression, can’t market their products without insulting
their target audience by depicting depression as a blob with
a sad face bouncing around in a bunch of happy-faced blobs?
As Fiona Apple sings in “Paper Bag”: “He
said it’s all in your head/ And I said so’s everything
/But he don’t get it.”
Origami is a very simple solution for a very complex problem.
\It allows me to focus my attention on something else, and
keeps my spare “twitch” anxiety appeased for the
moment. So I’m sorry if the paper-folding is too noisy
for some of you, but I’m pretty sure you’ll get
over it. I don’t mean any offense, I’m really just
trying to keep myself sane for a moment.