March 26, 2004  
Volume 97, Issue 93  

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Damn insurance companies

Hot dog lady: Spring has many harbingers — the appearance of the occasional robin, scantily clad Western girls and, yes, the hot dog lady. Normally lips and assholes are not a welcome site, but after a long wintry hot dog drought, the hot dog lady’s product has never looked better.

The weather: How can we mention spring without giving due credit to the nice weather? After months of wearing sweaty layers of coats and jackets, we finally get to peel it off in favour of clothing that’s more airy. It’s like some sort of strip tease — only with a little more sunshine and fewer dirty old men.

March Madness: Caesar warned about the Ides of March, but we are far more worried about college basketball tournaments. The NCAA basketball tournament is providing us with better weekend activities than essay writing and worrying about that whole “graduating from university thing.”

The daycare fiasco: A new Western daycare is in the works, but the new spaces are only for faculty. Everybody knows students have it made in the shade with all the school work and debt they have to worry about, but is daycare for a few students’ kids too much to ask for? And why is the University Students’ Council doing nothing about it?

No sports at Western: That’s right. No more Western sports, so little is left to be done for the more active students. But there is hope — Western athletes will have a chance to drink, eat and drink their sorrows away at the upcoming Sports Banquet.

Exams: Aside from a home visit from the naked masturbator and castrations, there is nothing that strikes more paralyzing fear and worrisome trepidation in the hearts of Western students than the E-word.

Insurance companies are rich: Not only are those slimy bastards rich, but they have been gouging students’ council’s with alcohol liability insurance, while getting a 800 per cent increase in profits over last year. We know insurance people are born as heartless robots programmed only to club babies seals and make money, but what the hell are they going to do with all that freakin’ money?

Anti-Semitism: It’s tragic there are still people out there blinded by enough hate and ignorance to throw in their lot with the likes of Nazis and other all-around cowards and idiots.

Kevin Smith: Smith came to Toronto a couple weeks ago and even made fun of Ben Affleck’s acting. But he was so close to London, why couldn’t he have dropped by Western for a little while? And again, where was the USC on that one?



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