Damn insurance companies
Hot dog lady: Spring has many harbingers — the appearance
of the occasional robin, scantily clad Western girls and, yes,
the hot dog lady. Normally lips and assholes are not a welcome
site, but after a long wintry hot dog drought, the hot dog
lady’s product has never looked better.
The weather: How can we mention spring without giving due
credit to the nice weather? After months of wearing sweaty
layers of coats and jackets, we finally get to peel it off
in favour of clothing that’s more airy. It’s like
some sort of strip tease — only with a little more sunshine
and fewer dirty old men.
March Madness: Caesar warned about the Ides of March, but
we are far more worried about college basketball tournaments.
The NCAA basketball tournament is providing us with better
weekend activities than essay writing and worrying about that
whole “graduating from university thing.”
The daycare fiasco: A new Western daycare is in the works,
but the new spaces are only for faculty. Everybody knows
students have it made in the shade with all the school work
and debt they have to worry about, but is daycare for a few
students’ kids too much to ask for? And why is the
University Students’ Council doing nothing about it?
No sports at Western: That’s right. No more Western
sports, so little is left to be done for the more active students.
But there is hope — Western athletes will have a chance
to drink, eat and drink their sorrows away at the upcoming
Exams: Aside from a home visit from the naked masturbator
and castrations, there is nothing that strikes more paralyzing
fear and worrisome trepidation in the hearts of Western students
than the E-word.
Insurance companies are rich: Not only are those slimy bastards
rich, but they have been gouging students’ council’s
with alcohol liability insurance, while getting a 800 per
cent increase in profits over last year. We know insurance
people are born as heartless robots programmed only to club
babies seals and make money, but what the hell are they going
to do with all that freakin’ money?
Anti-Semitism: It’s tragic there are still people out
there blinded by enough hate and ignorance to throw in their
lot with the likes of Nazis and other all-around cowards and
Kevin Smith: Smith came to Toronto a couple weeks ago and
even made fun of Ben Affleck’s acting. But he was so
close to London, why couldn’t he have dropped by Western
for a little while? And again, where was the USC on that one?