Landlords need to watch their space
Do you have one of those great landlords
who is always making sure everything at your place is OK or
who actually fixes things that break?
If so, don’t tell me about it because I will be forced
to karate chop you or your mother in the kidney.
I, unfortunately, have a terrible landlord. While this fact
was a mere annoyance for a large portion of the past school
year, it has now become the bane of my existence. Not only
can bad landlords make your year on their property hurt like
being rejected by a prostitute (OH SNAP!), but with threats
to future credit limits, you may be haunted by their fucker-ness
for years to come.
With the pressure of exams looming over me, the last thing
I need to worry about is some bastard or bitch landlord trying
to screw me or my roommates. And I’m willing to bet that
my housemates and I are not the only victims of the dreaded “shite” landlord.
People with good landlords may wonder: what exactly constitutes
a “shite” landlord? I’ll make it crystal
clear in my list of please-dos and please-do-nots for landlords:
• Please fix, repaint and clean the house before new
people move in. If we wanted to live in other people’s
filth, we would spend all our waking hours at Solid Gold.
• Please do not blame us for damage done to the house
by the previous year’s occupants. If you ever actually
came to the house you would know it was like that when we got
• Please maintain the yard around our unit. While a copious
amount of strewn garbage throughout the lot does have a certain
appeal, it also invites nasty animals to settle down in the
neighbourhood. Also, nothing makes mom and dad want to visit
like the memory of the rain-drenched pad that graced our lawn
during their last stay.
• Please do not bring groups of 20 people to look at
our house. You clearly can’t monitor them all. Call us
uptight, but we enjoy not being robbed. Side note to prospective
tenants: obviously you should take your shoes off. Stop asking
For those familiar with this bind, do not despair. Follow
this process to make the situation an enjoyable one:
1. If for some reason you aren’t going to GT’s
on a Thursday night, stay home and compile a list of the illegal
things your landlord has done and the illegal clauses in your
lease. You’d be surprised what you can come up with.
2. Mail the list to the Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal and
your landlord. To the landlord’s copy, attach a note
saying “You got served!”
3. Watch the landlord squirm.
Hopefully this rant has been therapeutic for all those who
endure a similar tenancy-hell. You are not alone.