Oprah, Martha, and J.K. worth gazillions

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Oprah Winfrey

•Not surprisingly, the world’s most tired tabloid star Paris Hilton is receiving nothing but a slap on her boney wrist for her recent DUI. Hilton pleaded no contest to her charges and now faces 36 months probation. She must also attend an “alcohol education program” and pay a $1,500 fine.

•Former hot pop star and current Cheetos model Britney Spears is denying she has a new boyfriend. Despite US Weekly’s front-page picture of Spears with seemingly broke-ass, dirtbag model Isaac Cohen, she claims they aren’t an item. According to the cheese-faced Spears, the two just like “partying, drinking, watching TV, and going crazy together.” For his sake, lets hope she’s not lying, because no one should have to sleep with Britney Spears.

Forbes Magazine recently ranked the celebrity world’s wealthiest women. Homemaker-turned-fraud artist Martha Stewart placed third with a worth just under $1 billion, Harry Potter author-turned-sellout J.K. Rowling placed second with a worth of $1 billion and every middle-aged woman’s favourite phony talk show host Oprah Winfrey placed first with a worth of $1.5 billion. Looks like someone needs to give away lots more cars.

Rage Against the Machine is making a comeback… for one day. The politically driven rock group which split seven years ago will reunite to headline the eighth annual Coachella Festival this spring. Other bands performing include the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bjork, Arcade Fire, Arctic Monkeys and Interpol. It’s time to break out those old Ché Guevera shirts... or are they even still in style?

•Fall Out Boy press whore and bass-playing midget Pete Wentz got into a brawl with a security guard last week at one of the emo-rock band’s shows. A YouTube video of the incident shows Wentz jumping off the stage and throwing punches at a guard who supposedly shoved one of the band’s roadies. According to Wentz, “That’s what you get when you fuck with my friends, you fucking asshole!” At least he’s got Jay-Z’s back.

•No decision has been made about whether Grey’s Anatomy star Isaiah Washington will lose his job. Washington, who plays the calm Dr. Burke on the show, made another slanderous comment about homosexuals during a Golden-Globes speech last week. In less than three months, Washington has uttered an anti-gay slur toward gay actor and costar T.R. Knight and had a physical altercation with costar Patrick Dempsy. If Washington doesn’t watch out, Burke may lose more than just the use of his hand.

Share this article on:

Facebook | DiggDigg |

Copyright © 2008 The Gazette