Too much Brandy leads to fatal car accident

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009


• Everyone’s favourite haughty heiress Paris Hilton has another sex tape on the market. Are viewers still interested in seeing scandalous Paris footage? owners think so. Apparently, Paris didn’t keep track of her bills and a bunch of her secretly stored items fell into some greedy entrepreneurs’ hands. Now they’ve revealed several of Paris’ financial statements, old passports, diary entries and numerous less-than-flattering videos online. With a lawsuit in the works, Paris hopes to regain control of her life. But what’s the point of a sex tape if doesn’t make any money?

• Former teen drama queen and Skeletor wannabe Lindsay Lohan isn’t getting along with her rehab inmates. Other rehab residents are complaining online that Lohan gets preferential treatment, though they should be thankful Lohan isn’t releasing another album any time soon. Rehab’s soothing nature recordings have never sounded better, especially when they’re drowning out Lohan’s auto-tuned squall.

• Tom Cruise and John Travolta aren’t the only ones coming out of the creepy Scientology closet. Jennifer Lopez has spoken out in defence of the pseudo-religion on behalf of her Scientologist father. Despite defending a faith founded by a science fiction writer, Lopez claims she isn’t a Scientologist but a Catholic. No word yet on which religion is a more logical choice.

• Can’t make headlines with your music? Vehicular manslaughter might fix your publicity woes. Former Moesha star and R&B singer Brandy could face charges after recently causing a fatal accident on a California highway. We’d make a snarky reference to one of Brandy’s singles, but we can’t remember any of her songs.

• Some people don’t like wearing shoes. First Britney Spears kicked off her kicks at the gas station and now she has a follower. Apparently, Shakira, the famous hip-shaking Colombian singer, doesn’t like any footwear " ever. The prima donna performs barefoot every night and insists the crew scrub the floor before she goes onstage. On the bright side, at least she isn’t wearing Crocs.

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