Dodge typical V-Day doldrums whether you're single or not

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Valentine's Day Message Candies

WHY DO THE GIRLS ALWAYS GIVE ME THE "RESTRAINING ORDER" ONE?! IT TASTES AS TERRIBLE AS BLACK JELLY BEANS. Valentine's Day doesn't have to begin and end with crappy candy. This year, take the initiative to find alternatives to ooey-gooey V-Day traditions.

It’s a week away, but you can already hear the discontented murmurs.

Valentine’s Day, the year’s most dreaded “holiday,” is dedicated to making single people feel crappy and costing naive couples hundreds of dollars.

Whether it’s making you depressed because you lack a lover, broke because you had to purchase the perfect gift, or angry because the card companies manipulated your emotions and bank account, nothing good comes from Valentine’s Day. As an added bonus, everything is dressed in 30 sickly shades of red and pink.

How do you fight the year’s most frivolous holiday? Standing up for yourself against giants like Hallmark might seem a little intimidating, but here are a few ways to cut corners.

Ignore it. You can do it. You know you can. It’s all just an illusion. Valentine’s Day doesn’t exist. It’s a hoax. Nobody actually has a great Valentine’s Day " all those couples are lying. You aren’t the only one sitting at home, working on your notes for next week while the rain pitter-patters off the window... right?

Don’t spend a dime. With Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries and other trivial aspects of a relationship, the last thing you need is another holiday hand pillaging your pocket. Make a deal with your partner not to spend anything on the dreaded V-Day. Stay in for the night, watch a movie at home or go tobogganing. Just make sure you close the blinds.

Pig out. Don’t deny it " you might not like Valentine’s Day, but you do love the candy. Really, isn’t food what holidays are all about? Instead of spending too much money on a box of overrated chocolates, raid a candy store the day after Feb. 14. Aside from getting a great discount on cinnamon hearts, you’ll also reap the benefits of cheap chocolate.

Postpone it. Postpone the inevitable date to some other time of year. Use it as a surprise or as an excuse to escape another boring Tuesday night. Use Valentine’s Day for something productive, like playing Guitar Hero for six hours straight or debating economic theories with your loved one over the kitchen table. Playing in the snow is another option " if you’re a fan of freezing your ass off in - 30 C weather.

Throw a party... but not an anti-Valentine’s Day party! Whether you’re single or in a relationship, everyone loves a party. Especially when it has absolutely nothing to do with the day that shall remain nameless. Throw a normal party, i.e. replace those broken-heart-shaped cookies and cinnamon hearts with a couple cases of beer.

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