Do it doggy on campus

...we did!

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Doing it in a washroom stall

Paul Sham

Articles rating places to have sex on campus get done more often than sorority girls during rush week. But this time, The Gazette did more than just muse about different locales; we did the fucking research.

Lecture hall 7, Natural Science Centre
Risk factor: 3.5/5
Comfort factor: 3/5

At first, having sex in a classroom/lecture hall seemed challenging. I wondered how we would get in, avoid being seen and how likely it was we’d be caught. Fortunately, having sex in a Nat Sci lecture hall proved surprisingly easy and I definitely recommend it.

Just after Taylor shuts down for the night, several classrooms remain open and unlocked for any students looking to unwind after a long night of studying. Although the custodial staff is still working, the carts they use are so loud they give plenty of warning to anyone using classrooms for less than academic purposes.

Nat Sci Room 7 was especially sex-worthy because there are four exits â€" one at each corner of the room â€" allowing for a quick and easy departure.

A good way to conquer the classroom is doing it doggy style over a desk. This way you can even read the lecture notes from your class on the board. For the more daring, the prof’s desk provides enough room to enjoy any position you want. Just be sure to listen carefully if you choose to totally strip down.

Third-floor study room, Richard Ivey School of Business
Risk factor: 2.5/5

If you’ve got a friend who goes to Ivey, take advantage! Ivey student cards provide access to the building and all its glorious third-floor study rooms 24 hours a day.

This location is good for couples nervous or shy about having public sex. The rooms are easy to find and relatively private, and worried pairs can push a table against the door and bring paper to tape over the windows.

For more adventurous couples these rooms are still awesome. They have large tables and many chairs to play on, and late at night couples can be fairly loud and get totally naked without much concern.

Bonus points if you go dressed as CEOs or corporate hoes.

Medway-Sydenham Hall cafeteria
Risk factor: 4.5/5
Comfort factor: 1.5/5

This location isn’t recommended for shy couples. However, if you find the risk-factor hot, this spot is for you.

I felt a bit like a horny frosh â€" which was kinda fun â€" and if you actually are a horny frosh, then maybe you’ll want to ditch the traditional study room/floor-lounge sex spot and hit the caf.

The caf’s food area was closed, but the extra seating was left open â€" most likely for students to use while studying (or having sex). This made it extra risky, as midnight is by no means late in rez-world.

You’ll probably want most of your clothes on for this one, so girls, wear a skirt.

Gazette office
Risk factor: 3
Comfort factor: 3.5

Gain access to The Gazette by befriending one of the editors. After obtaining their keys, the office is an easy and fairly private spot to get busy.

Although we went late at night, we still had a few scares when it sounded like someone was coming down the hall for some late-night editing.

You’d think the comfort factor would be higher in an office complete with couches, but the things are so filthy you’re better off having sex on one of the tables or editors’ desks. Sex is way hotter on a desk than a couch that’s seen more action than Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Social Science Building fourth-floor seating alcove
Risk factor: 5
Comfort factor: 1

Having sex in an area surrounded by professor’s offices was risky, and my experience included a few very close calls. Apparently, professors keep late hours.

However, we escaped unseen, and the risk factor can probably be reduced if you go later; we went around midnight but social sci students can access this area 24 hours a day.

There are some benches to get busy on, but these are out in the open, so cautious couples should seek a less exposed area. Again, skirts are recommended. The fact people are always walking around the building and down the hall definitely prohibits stripping down or being loud.

This is a location for anyone who gets a kick out of the riskiness of public sex.

Social Science Building bathroom
Risk factor: 3
Comfort factor: 1.5

Washroom sex is a little like having sex with a cougar: you want to try it but you can’t help feeling dirty afterward.

However, Western’s washrooms probably get used regularly for impromptu sex, so I had to test at least one. Once you get over the washroom’s dirtiness and sketchiness, it’s pretty fun. If it’s a busy time of day, seek privacy in a stall. If it’s late at night, sex on the counter gives you more space and the added bonus of mirrors.

Unfortunately, the gross factor keeps the comfort level low.

Tips:

* Be prepared to try different positions: sometimes space restrictions require doing it standing up or doggy.

* If you’re worried about being caught, hang out in the area and monitor how many people come through. It’s not a surefire way to prevent being caught, but it helps.

* Wear easy-access clothing: sweats are quicker than jeans, runners are faster than boots, and women are better off in skirts.

* If you can’t get into Ivey, book a study room in Taylor or Weldon. You can’t be as loud, but it will be a similar experience.

* Role play: a sexy prof fantasy or CEO/corporate-hoe theme makes for extra fun.

* Don’t worry too much about getting caught; if it happens, you can always just laugh at yourselves. You can bet the person/people catching you will do the same.

Ones that got away:

* Fifth-floor Weldon: It’s cliché, but it’s also tricky to do this time of year. If it’s your mission to hit Weldon, go in September or January, or right when it opens. Otherwise, it’s just too busy.

* Library/building stairwells: They’re too cold. Not hot. Go in the fall or spring.

* The Wave DJ booth: It would be cool, but logistics make this location nearly impossible. If you work at The Wave, it would make a sweet claim-to-fame. If you don’t, good fucking luck. We salute you if you do it.

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