Angelina Jolie almost kidnapped: movie to follow?

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Angelina Jolie

• It looks like Paris Hilton is corrupting another poor young soul. Why should you care? Because she’s Canadian. Elisha Cuthbert is the latest young Hollywood blonde to fall under the tanorexic heiress’ evil spell. It’s only a matter of time before Cuthbert ends up jailed and bald like Hilton’s other blonde buddies. Keep her away from the shears and hopefully she’ll escape the Hilton bug unscathed.

• Apparently someone tried to kidnap Angelina Jolie. No, it wasn’t some crack-addled, hormone-crazed teenage Tomb Raider fan. It wasn’t Billy Bob Thornton. Jolie recently told News of the World she was almost kidnapped in a small village, but was warned before the small-time gangsters could nab her. Next week, she battles a cruise ship full of pirates. Make sure to tune in.

• Even Sweden is giving Snoop Dogg a hard time these days. It seems everyone’s favourite drugged-out rapper was arrested for " surprise " suspected drug use. Will he ever learn? In Sweden, it’s illegal to have drugs in your system and law enforcement can arrest anyone suspected to be under the influence of any illegal substance. How the hell did someone like Snoop even make it across the border?

Madonna was recently spotted peeling out in her car with her 17-month-old son nestled comfortably on her lap behind the steering wheel. It’s clearly the place where fragile children who could potentially die instantaneously in a minor car accident belong. If something happened to the baby though, she could always adopt another one.

• Australia isn’t all koalas and kangaroos " it recently acquired steroids and an aging Sylvester Stallone. Stallone was apprehended in Sydney during a random baggage search where authorities discovered several vials of human growth hormone in his luggage. It seems Stallone needed help for his latest Rocky flick. At 60-years-old, that’s no surprise.

Lindsay Lohan will likely release another distraught, whiny album next year. Nothing has been announced, but all signs suggest she’ll release a sophomore album; her father Michael Lohan was recently released from prison. If the release of her drunken, abusive father doesn’t get her creative juices flowing, what will? Bring on the angst!

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