Demi Moore pregnant, Clinton loves 24

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Tony Yayo, possibly the worst rapper on G-Unit’s roster, is in hot water. New York City police have charged Yayo with assault. Sources allege Yayo backhanded G-Unit rival Jimmy “Henchmen” Rosemond’s 14-year-old son in the middle of a street simply for wearing a rival label’s T-shirt. Apparently weapon convictions and outstanding warrants don’t constitute a tough enough image; these days, only hitting a 14-year-old makes you a gangster.

Demi Moore

• A medical examiner recently revealed Anna Nicole Smith’s cause of death: a completely accidental overdose. While playing pharmacist with herself in her hotel room, Smith ingested at least nine different prescription drugs in conjunction with a dose of choral hydrate; and so, another one bites the dust.

• Word on the street is Ashton Kutcher, TV’s favourite untalented ass-clown, has accomplished the unthinkable " he’s knocked up Demi Moore. Congratulations Kutcher, you just impregnated someone old enough to be your mom!

Bill Clinton

• Former U.S. president Bill Clinton recently revealed he’s a fan of 24, Grey’s Anatomy, and Boston Legal. Aside from TV dramas, some of Clinton’s other favourite things include: signing the North American Free Trade Agreement to piss off the Republican party, forgetting to inhale his marijuana smoke and sticking Cuban cigars in places they shouldn’t go.

Borat star Sacha Baron Cohen is releasing a new flick, appropriately titled Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt. Lawyers and gay activists alike, prepare your lawsuits.

• Forget Mother Teresa " Jessica Simpson should be next in line to be canonized. The intellectually challenged blonde reached out to impoverished children during a trip to Mexico last weekend. Simpson reportedly donated a minivan, some cheap jewelry and of course, Proactiv. Even poor kids have acne.

Eva Longoria’s main squeeze, NBA player Tony Parker, has added “rapper” to his resume, and has even convinced Longoria to star in his upcoming video. Didn’t anyone learn from Britney and K-Fed?

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