This week's Dirt: Good news for Hasselhoff

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

A younger David Hasselhoff

In the ultimate proof of karma, Bobby Brown is now homeless. After ruining his marriage to Whitney Houston due to his drug use and spousal abuse, Brown is now spending his nights on the couches of kind-hearted friends. Don’t feel too bad for him " if it wasn’t for Whitney, he would’ve been couch-hopping for the past 10 years too.

Defying the fundamentals of biology, rumour has it Nicole Richie may be knocked up with Joel Madden of Good Charlotte’s baby. Given Richie’s skin-and-bones state, it would be surprising if this were true. Stranger things have happened though. The odd couple’s celebrity status is also the stuff of miracles; Richie is famous for befriending a sex tape star, while Madden is well-known for singing like a pre-pubescent girl.

In a surprise courtroom decision, David Hasselhoff was awarded full custody of his children. The judgment comes in spite of that alcoholic burger binge fiasco, which is an internet video sensation. This time, “The Hoff” has brought new meaning to Baywatch theme “I’ll Be There.”

Despite her jailbird status, Paris Hilton still made Father’s Day special. Like most other kindergartners, Hilton made her dad a card from scratch. One problem, though: Hilton is 26 years old, not six. Apparently when Hilton declared her dumb behaviour an “act,” she was lying.

Lindsay Lohan has been promised free chauffeur services after her release from rehab by The Georgi car service, an L.A. limousine company. While keeping the frequent drunk-driver out from behind the wheel sounds great in theory, it’s doubtful Lohan will accept the offer. After all, it’s a lot harder to be snapped by the paparazzi when you’re hidden by a limo’s tinted windows.

Rod Stewart married long-time, much-younger girlfriend Penny Lancaster last weekend. It is Stewart’s third marriage, which either means he’s making the right decision this time, or he’s too stupid to know he needs to stay far, far away from the altar. Only time (and the gossip magazines) will tell!

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