Nickelback sucks, ruins Junos

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

The Junos â€" our at times lacklustre equivalent to the Grammies â€" took place this past Sunday night in Vancouver, with the intention of acknowledging achievements in Canadian music. It’s a noble goal, considering the undeniable wealth of musical talent this country possesses.

From east coast rockers Great Big Sea to British Columbia’s Michael Bublé, the great white north’s musicians stretch genres and generations. These groups and individuals ought to make all Canadians proud and events like the Juno Awards should be times to celebrate the efforts of these amazing musicians.

Why then did the members of Nickelback, who are not amazing and barely musicians, even receive an invite to the Junos, let alone win three?

The band â€" and I cringe applying this title to them â€" opened the ceremonies with a performance of their song “Something in Your Mouth.” A sample of the lyrics: “You’re so much cooler when you never pull it out/ ’Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth.” I’m sorry Chad Kroeger, how old are you? Nevermind. I’m ashamed a TV broadcast celebrating Canadian music had to suffer through this poor representation of our musical tastes.

So maybe the group has fans, but I don’t think I am wrong in saying that the vast majority of Canadians â€" make that people everywhere â€" can’t stand the Albertan rockers.

But maybe I shouldn’t direct my rage towards Nickelback â€" probably the most successful band ever to rewrite the same song multiple times and still get it released as a single â€" but rather towards the fools in the Canadian music industry who keep nominating them for awards.

For those who are unaware, Nickelback converted three of its five Juno nominations to shiny trophies last weekend. Album of the Year went to the band for its recent release, Dark Horse. Somehow, they also captured Group of the Year, beating out Great Big Sea (who wrapped up a tour promoting its 11th album at the awards), Tokyo Police Club and The Trews. Feist fell to Nickelback in the Fan Choice Award, which is strange, because only one of those artists makes popular music to which fans listen.

I don’t care if you like the band or not, but the Junos are about recognizing achievement in the Canadian music industry. And what better way to measure the achievement of a band than by the respect music fans hold for them?

Take, for example, Celine Dion. We might not all have the theme song to Titanic on our iPods, but the Quebecer â€" who was also up for the Fan Choice Award â€" is a very talented and accomplished Canadian musician who is well-respected by all music fans. Yet she is defeated at an awards show by a bunch of rednecks that do no better than sing about sex and being awesome.

Let the band suck all it wants. I can change the radio station pretty easily if necessary. But when real Canadian talent has to step aside to suffer the unbearable garbage that oozes from Nickelback’s every lyric and note, then I have a problem.

I don’t hold this against Kroeger and co., but rather I blame whoever’s great idea it is to keep recognizing Nickelback’s entire lack of original and tasteful music.

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