Goobers swallow keys and kiss boobs

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Oakville, ON " We know what you’re thinking: nothing ever happens in Oakville except the Canadian Open.

Sure enough, this turned out to be true, even after a lockdown of Sheridan College Institute of Technology and Advanced Learning’s campus occurred Feb. 8, amidst reports of a camouflage-clad student carrying a firearm.

Though the firearm turned out to be a tripod, the incident prompted an exhaustive two-hour search of the campus, emergency announcements on the PA system and one false arrest.

The man who actually triggered the lockdown has yet to be found, but since he didn’t actually do anything, it’s probably not a huge deal.

Southhampton, UK " If you think swallowing random objects only happens on Jackass, think again. A drunken student recently swallowed his house key so he wouldn’t be taken home from a party.

Bournemouth University student Chris Foster had no recollection of his shenanigans the next day until he was informed by his friends and felt a mild stomachache.

“I thought it was a bit of a wind-up when my friend said I had swallowed the key,” Foster told Metro News.

“I was given an X-ray and I was stunned when I first saw the key in my stomach, but then I couldn’t stop laughing " even the doctors were sniggering.”

Doctors told Foster the five-centimetre key would eventually leave his body once nature took its course.

Sure enough, Foster located his key the next day and it’s now safely back on his key ring " since he couldn’t afford the £20 fee for a replacement.

Newfoundland " Okay, we get it: guys love boobs. But one Memorial University student took his fascination with cleavage to a whole new level.

Farhood Azarsina, an Iranian student studying in Newfoundland, has been sentenced to two months in jail for kissing a woman’s breast while in an elevator on Sept. 27.

Azarsina pleaded guilty to sexual assault and apologized for his bizarre actions in a provincial court Jan. 30. However, the engineering grad student said he didn’t understand the serious nature of the offence in this country.

Maclean’s recently quoted Azarsina saying, “You can’t expect all males to control themselves when the breasts are out.”

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