Beer pong study confirmed as hoax

Game not a cause of herpes

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Minneapolis, MN " Those responsible for the recent Watchmen adaptation have worked tirelessly to create a sense of realism in the film, going so far as to hire a physicist.

James Kakalios, a University of Minnesota physics professor, advised both the production team and actor Billy Crudup on Watchmen.

Crudup plays Dr. Manhattan, who studies and controls matter on an atomic level, transporting it through space.

During the process, Kakalios used quantum mechanics to explain actions and visuals. He spent time working on the Vancouver set with the film crew.

“Hollywood is trying more and more to create a believable artificial reality,” Kakalios said in an article for the Star Tribune.

While Watchmen fans are busy picking apart the recent film adaptation and searching for flaws or inconsistencies, they will not likely find much wrong with the physics if comic book scientist Kakalios has done his job right.

Atlanta, GA " What started out as a simple joke grew into a hoax across the United States when an article stating beer pong causes herpes was released.

The fake report included claims supposedly made by the Center for Disease Control, indicating a 230 per cent rise in HSV-1 for young beer pong players over the course of a year.

In a somewhat predictable turn of events, Fox News ran the completely false story. The CDC was then forced to make a public statement explaining how the story was an urban myth.

The beer pong report sounded like an article ripped straight from the pages of The Onion, even including a list of tips for practicing “safe pong.”

Salt Lake City, UT " Former Brigham Young University student Chad Hardy was denied his diploma after publishing a calendar with photographs of shirtless Mormon missionaries.

BYU is owned and operated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which looks harshly on any sexually suggestive photographs. The university was up-in-arms after finding Hardy’s calendar and learning he was not attending church regularly.

At the time of his dismissal, Hardy had only one month left before graduation.

In the Associated Press, Vernon Heperi, the school’s Dean of Students, said the calendar was disrespectful and offensive. Hardy’s appeal to be awarded the diploma was denied by Heperi.

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