U of T’s tobacco stocks all about the Benjamins

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Re: “Student contests U of T’s investment in tobacco stocks”
Jan. 18, 2007

To the Editor:
What is wrong with the University of Toronto investing in tobacco stocks? Clearly these avid young activists don’t understand the laws of supply and demand.

Cigarettes. People love that shit. Cigarettes have a price elasticity of -0.107, which means the quantity demanded is extremely insensitive to price change. So when you jack up the price on these suckers, your revenue goes way up. Who wouldn’t want a hand in that?

The dude is encouraging U of T and other universities to “implement a policy specifically forbidding investment in such industries.” Which industries? The ones that bring in straight ca$h moneyz?

I’m sure the petition he’s circulating will make U of T’s administration think, “Oh snap. Maybe we don’t want to make millions and millions of dollars.”

This kid says he’s been passionate about tobacco education for many years. Why isn’t he passionate about something cool, like gambling, chicken sandwiches or women? What a stick in the mud.

I guess whack crusades like this are to be expected from political science and ethics students. He’ll probably grow up to be something lame like a social worker and drive a Ford Focus. He’ll probably star in Ford Focus commercials too, and date feminists who don’t put out.

But in all seriousness, who really cares about 15-year-olds smoking? It’s about stackin’ up the Benjamins. Jay-Z said it best: “cuz ya can’t knock the hustle.”
"Erik Phair
Economics II

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