Why February sucks

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

February 12, 2008 Ed Cartoon

February: it sucks; it’s balls. Don’t agree with us?

Driving is messy and sloppy in February. There are more car accidents and even if you reach your destination alive and dent-free, your vehicle is caked in salt. You can wash your vehicle and 20 minutes later it’s filthy again.

If you decide to take public transit instead, be prepared for crowded buses. The bus will be stuffy and full of patrons riddled with pestilence. You’ll have to turn your iPod up louder to drown out the sounds of people hacking up a lung or catapulting mucous into a Kleenex.

That brings up another problem; it’s major cold and flu season. If you have not yet been sick, you likely will be in the near future. Coughs, sore throats, plugged up sinuses... and Buckley’s tastes like ass. In short, sickness is yucky.

You’re more likely to get sick when you are stressed out, and February is a prime time for stress. Students have a load of essays and midterms in February; on top of the schoolwork are the worries of getting your foot in the door for a summer job and looking for housing for next year. Most people are looking ahead and worrying about the various uncertainties that have not yet been ironed out.

You’re also probably taking a hit in the wallet in February. The long travel of produce means groceries cost more and the frigid temperatures mean utilities cost more. If you’re in first year, the money on your meal card is running low. You’re more than likely running low on funds in general, which means you will be pinching every penny or begging your parents for assistance. No one likes that.

The zany weather has also been negative. When it’s not strangely mild, the local weather has swung quickly into extreme cold. By February, the novelty of winter has worn off, so most people are lamenting the warmer months. Flash freezes mean more ice, and ice is slippery " when walking and driving is treacherous, it is upsetting.

Believe it or not, it isn’t all doom and gloom. Winter sports are a lot of fun, with exciting options like hockey, tobogganing (or beer-bogganing, for some students) and snowball fights to entertain us.

St. Patrick’s Day is on the horizon, which helps those lusting for booze. In fact, February strikes us as a more socially acceptable month for alcoholic behaviour. This year’s convenient placement of Family Day (next Monday) confirms this theory for all those thirsty for a stiff whiskey, rum or ‘crantini.’

The truth is that many people suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which causes depression in the gloomy winter months. Some helpful solutions to cure your depression this month include exercise, chocolate consumption and having sex. So hit the treadmill, the Dairy Milk or the loved one; you’ll thank us later.

We hope you didn’t read this editorial as a pick-me-up; it was not intended as such. Believe it or not, staffers at The Gazette are not all rife with melancholy.

Is a there silver lining at the end of this cloud? Absolutely, but February is a pretty dark cloud nonetheless.

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