Inaugurating Chakma With Class, Style

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

January 21, 2009 Ed Cartoon

With the pomp and circumstance of the inauguration of Barack Obama having passed, The Gazette looks ahead to what an inauguration of our own new president may look like. We hope Western will be able to provide a ceremony the entire campus will remember for ages.

For a school claiming to provide the best student experience among research-intensive universities in Canada, there are a disturbing lack of century-old traditions our new students can awkwardly take part in.

Chakma’s inauguration represents an excellent opportunity to herald in a new age of ridiculous traditions for Western " especially ones involving silly hats. With this in mind, the ceremony should coincide with Orientation Week in order to achieve maximum saturation in the student community.

As an incentive for older students to involve themselves in the festivities, administration should hold a contest: whichever student pens the best inaugural oath will be given the honour of administering the oath of office to Chakma. This step will ensure a close personal bond will develop between our student population and the new president.

Perhaps to ensure all students are familiar with the new head honcho’s face, Western could create a temporary advertising campaign. Instead of Western 1 cards, Chakma 1 cards could be used to spend our parents’ money at Centre Spot and on Subway takeout. Massive banners portraying Chakma in a suitably heroic pose could decorate Concrete Beach.

On the day of inauguration, the president-elect could follow in the footsteps of many Western students by taking the bus to campus.

In the spirit of Aretha Franklin’s rendition of “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee,” Western’s favourite celebrity, Rick McGhie, could perform the classic “Anyway You Want It” " a piece much more suited to the musical sensibilities of our student population.

Following this momentous occasion, Chakma would mount the Western Mustang who " instead of doing a lap of TD Waterhouse to celebrate a touchdown " would carry Chakma off into the sunset.

Following Chakma’s exit, the school would celebrate the accomplishments of now President-derelict Dr. Paul Davenport.

In order for all students to share Davenport’s excitement at receiving $700,000 of the student’s money as a retirement present, Davenport would be presented with a giant novelty check. As well, a special video would elaborate on the number of essential services $700,000 would buy " such as 3,500 first year biology textbooks, 483,000 large Tim Hortons coffees or tuition for 140 students.

What a fitting welcome it would be for Dr. Chakma.

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