Wireless woes irritate students

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

To the editor:
War and Peace. Question: What truly separates the latter from the former? Answer: The ability of “A” not to irritate “B.” Example: The true reason for the longstanding tension between the United States and Cuba " President Kennedy couldn’t stand that Castro refused to wear a real suit and tie to work. Also, the actual reason for one of sports’ greatest rivalries, the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees " Red Sox great Ted Williams hates the letter “Y” and slugger Babe Ruth cringed at the very thought of red coloured socks.

Today, I propose that we add to the list of histories great irritants, which include packets of ketchup and not being able to find a parking spot (supposedly that’s what set serial killer Jeffrey Dohmer off). Somebody please pencil in, high on the list, the unreliable wireless Internet access that blankets the Western campus.

Why am I writing this letter you ask? Because I can’t get on the freakin’ inter-web to download my goddamn lecture slides. I’m pretty sure somewhere in that orientation handbook there is a picture showing some happy-go-lucky looking students working on laptops outside with a caption lauding Western’s expansive wireless network. All I have to say is those funny looking students definitely downloaded their porn or episodes of Sponge Bob before they got to school, because I would bet at least $20 or 57 million shares of GM that the Internet does not actually work outside.

I suggest that an elite squad of techies be assembled to fix the access on LG at Taylor Library and where ever else it doesn’t work. If for no other reason it should be done to prevent Obama’s monumental election and the global economic crisis from being overshadowed in the history books by the inability of this otherwise fine institution to provide reliable Internet access. To those of you at the library on Monday, I apologize for that loud profanity-laced tirade. I assure you I was not talking about your mother specifically.
" Brahm J. Klar
Medical Science III

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