The Gazette's $100,000 List

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

April 2, 2009 Ed Cartoon

Despite a recent spike in this province’s minimum wage, the majority of Ontarians â€" students especially â€" still feel they are severely underpaid.

The provincial government reaffirmed that fact on Tuesday by releasing its annual list of public sector employes who made over $100,000 in the previous calender year.

Recognizable figures on campus who are earning salaries over six figures include: Mike Atkinson of Psych with Mike fame, MIT guru Tim Blackmore and Western’s President and Vice-Chancellor Paul Davenport who raked in $384,375 in 2008.

Surely there are some other members of the Western community deserving of similar compensation.

Rick McGhie, for instance, has been faithfully entertaining intoxicated Western students for so long that no one can even remember when he started.

Furthermore, he has easily brought in hundreds of thousands â€" if not millions â€" of dollars to the establishments that house his performances. It is time for Western’s favourite guitar player to get a raise.

Additionally, the poor custodial staff who enjoy the unenviable task of cleaning the giant waste pile known as Saugeen-Maitland Hall are due for a pay increase.

Speaking of waste piles, the first person to rid University College Hill of the Canadian geese poop that coats it should be rewarded with at least a six-figure bonus.

Those who work the late shifts at our favourite post-bar eateries â€" Stobies, Pita Pita, Sammy’s et al â€" are also due for a pay increase. Providing much-needed nourishment to late night revelers is an important, if not essential, service.

On the subject of nutrition, all the employees at our vast campus’ 15 Tim Hortons should be rewarded with six-figure salaries in recognition of their speedy, efficient service.

Any nice bus driver who performs his or her job with courtesy and a smile is also certainly way underpaid. Those who drive past you laughing when you are running late shall receive no further compensation.

This fine publication you hold in your hands could not have made it there without the effort of a vast staff of hard-working individuals. While Ian Greaves has been working at The Gazette since 1906, his salary has yet to surpass $100,000 per year. This is a crime.

Additionally, the tireless individual â€" honestly, it’s just one guy â€" who circulates The Gazette to its 46 different pick up locations on campus is well-deserving of a Davenport-level salary.

We at The Gazette would also like to take this opportunity to officially recommend putting $100,000 towards the creation of a new vice-presidential position at Western: VP-keeping it real. The individual holding this position will be in charge of all party operations and super fun times on campus.

Sixth-year Western student and resident sexagenarian Dave Ward has volunteered to undertake this indispensable role.

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