Hobbled Crosby's fluff, Gibbs has had enough

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

The NHL has lost its brightest young star for at least the next month. Pittsburgh Penguins forward Sidney Crosby will be out 6-8 weeks with a high ankle sprain, an injury he suffered in last Friday’s tilt versus the Tampa Bay Lightning.

The time away from the ice should be good for Crosby, he can focus some time and energy into growing a viable playoff beard. This may be an exercise in futility; baby-faced Sid’s attempt at a moustache would closely resemble an eyebrow coming down for a drink.

Pro football’s coaching rumour mill has churned out some promising signs for Jim Fassel. The one-time New York Giants coach and longtime offensive coordinator is in extended talks with the Washington Redskins about its coaching vacancy. The elderly Joe Gibbs has stepped down as Redskins coach, no doubt wanting to focus some time on shuffleboard, Grape Nuts and prostate exams.

The Toronto Maple Leafs have finally stopped waffling like an Eggo manufacturer and fired general manager John Ferguson. The Leafs are mired in last place in the Northeast division and are looking for answers. Ferguson will be replaced on an interim basis with Cliff Fletcher, who had the Leafs’ GM position from 1991-97.

Unless Dougie, Wendy and Felix the Cat show sudden youthful exuberance, Toronto likely isn’t turning this season around. The big question now: will they deal franchise centerpiece Mats Sundin?

American Olympic sprinter Justin Gatlin will appeal his four-year doping suspension in hopes of returning to the track for the Beijing Games in August. Gatlin cooperated with US federal authorities in a doping probe and hopes he’s earned enough brownie points for clemency. We’d say he’s ballsy for appealing the ruling, but we know thanks to his drug regimen, Gatlin is probably working with pebbles down there.

Larry Brown, former coach of the New York Knicks, claims the organization had spies throughout Madison Square Garden that watched him when he coached. C’mon. Seriously.

Compiling a 23-59 record at the helm of any team would cause someone bitterness, but Brown’s accusations make a jilted lover seem like a decaf latté.

Relief pitcher Octavio Dotel came to terms this week with the Chicago White Sox on a two-year, $11 million contract. The Pale Hose are hoping Dotel will bolster the team’s bullpen enough to put the team in title contention. Chicago is known for having a great rotation, but its bullpen ranked among the league’s worst last season. Here’s to hoping Dotel fans batters and is slightly less yappy than catcher A.J. Pierzynski.

The Super Bowl is less than two weeks away. We could flood you with analysis and/or sarcastic wit, but we know that leading up to the game you’ll hear enough yakking about Tom Brady to make your stomach turn. Count your lucky stars we’re a merciful bunch.

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