Outside the Gates

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Kaz Matsui has the ’roids! Hemorrhoids that is.

The Houston Astros second baseman has been diagnosed with a condition called an ‘anal fissure,’ which can be a side effect of hemorrhoids. Expect Matsui to use headfirst slides this season, as he will undoubtedly avoid sliding on his ass for obvious reasons.

Almost every NHL analyst was critical of the Montreal Canadiens’ choice to deal away starting netminder Cristobal Huet and hand the job to 20-year-old rookie Carey Price. Since taking over as the Montreal starter, however, Price has played as well as anyone could have hoped. A recent shutout against Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils saw the rookie improve to 5-2 in his last seven starts.

With or without Dwyane Wade, the Miami Heat are awful. The Heat will have to get used to life without the former NBA Finals MVP, as Wade said he will be missing the rest of the season to rehabilitate his ailing left knee.

There is good news stemming from this announcement for the 20 or so fans that still watch Heat games. They will get to see extraordinary talents like Chris Quinn and Daequan Cook solidify the Heat’s lottery positioning in the team’s attempt to add Kansas State forward Michael Beasley in the upcoming NBA draft.

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