Gators chomp Buckeyes, surgeon working on Barbaro

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

In the Bowl Championship Series National Championship Monday, the Florida Gators punished the Ohio State Buckeyes 41-14. The Gators were underdogs going into the tilt, but a swarming defence led by rush end Jarvis Moss, linebacker Brandon Siler and safety Reggie Nelson completely silenced a potent Buckeyes attack.

The win makes the Gators the feared predator on the block, as they currently hold both the college football and basketball titles. Apparently there are good things in the state of Florida other than golf, pina coladas and Mickey Mouse.

Kentucky-Derby winning racehorse Barbaro suffered yet another setback in his recovery from laminitis â€" inflammation of the tissue bonding the horse’s bone to the hoof’s inner wall. The horse’s surgeons are “pulling out all the stops” to ensure he can again live outside the hospital, but after this latest setback it looks like all bets are off â€" pun intended. In other news, shares of Elmer’s Glue Factory have skyrocketed.

Baseball greats Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken Jr. were inducted as first-ballot Hall of Famers this week in Cooperstown. Gwynn was a consummate hitter, and Ripken was the consummate Iron Man, but consummate juice pig Mark McGwire was snubbed from the Hall. It seems he’ll have a long wait; plenty of time to continue his passionate love affair with Androstenedione.

In Switzerland, the exhibitionists are ratcheting it up a notch. Austrian skier Rainer Schoenfelder was spotted alongside the fabled Lauberhorn downhill course wearing nothing but his skis and an orange helmet. Schoenfelder, a 29-year-old two-time Olympic medallist, claims the streak was part of a dare posed to him by his physiotherapist.

Schoenfelder told his therapist that if his pains were gone by Wednesday (the skier recently suffered a training crash) he would ski nude. We’re familiar with Al Gore’s rambling about global warming, but this is ridiculous.

Our buddy Rainer clearly has a reputation for being flamboyant; when he isn’t winning Olympic medals, he pursues a career as a part-time pop star. For the love of God, we don’t want to watch his music videos.

It appears Swiss tennis dynamo Roger Federer might be human, after all. It took Federer three tie-breakers to beat Radek Stepanek at the Kooyong exhibition tournament in Melbourne. The long-dominant Federer was likely shaking off the rust in the beginning of the 2007 season, but if he does lose the upcoming Australian Open we can probably expect the Apocalypse.

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