Italian cop killing tops high school herpes outbreak

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Congratulations to the Indianapolis Colts " you guys finally stopped choking in the playoffs. Hooray!

In related news, Prince played to a capacity crowd at the Super Bowl halftime show. He butchered tracks by the Foo Fighters, James Brown and Creedence Clearwater Revival, but did a decent job with “Purple Rain.” Shame on CBS for choosing an artist who constantly wears a pirate costume. It makes us wish Britney Spears got the nod for the show; instead of making fun of her “singing” ability, we could concentrate on K-Fed whoring himself in the Super Bowl commercials to pay more people to buy his joke of an album.

A big thumbs down to Italian soccer fans for their part in the death of a police officer during a riot at last week’s Catania-Palermo match. Why riot when you know all the Serie A games are bought off anyway?

In tennis, “Pistol” Pete Sampras is making a comeback, competing in the Outback Champion Series, a tourney specifically for players over 30. Kudos to Sampras. Let’s be honest " he’s the only one who can beat Roger Federer.

If we were placing bets, we wouldn’t put anything on Charles Barkley to show us the money. The future poster boy for Gambler’s Anonymous has been cited to have lost as much as $10 million over the years. When asked if he planned to quit, he simply said, “I like to gamble and I’m not going to quit.”

God bless you, Charles. Way to stick it to the man. Go ahead and bet on Serie A games.

America has an STI scare. The Minnesota State High School League has suspended all wrestling meets due to a herpes outbreak among its wrestlers. So far, 16 teams and 40 wrestlers have reported infections from skin-to-skin contact during a meet.

There have been no reports on the initial source of the virus, but rumour has it that it came from Nebraska, which now has something to be proud of " not only breeding good corn but also good Herpes Simplex Type-1. Them crazy Americans and their crazy venereal disease.

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